And Then There Was One

I realize that I just posted about 2 of my kids and left the 3rd one out, as usual. So, to be fair, I will complain about Kyra now. I went to start a load of laundry and needed a basket. Where are they all?

One is full of whites that I just took out of the dryer this morning.

The other is in Kyra's room.

With about 4 items in it.

It's been there for days.

WHY CAN THIS CHILD NOT PUT UP HER CLOTHES!?!

Poo Update, for Sara

I thought buying size 2 Huggies diapers would put an end to this poo mess. I was wrong.

Yesterday morning I nursed Payton in the van before I went into Einstein's to meet a friend. While nursing, he pooed. He pooed a great poo and after he finished I lifted him up to see a nice little yellow spot about the size of a quarter on my jeans. Really? The velocity at which this child shoots out the poo is amazing! That diaper was not full when he shot it straight in and up the back, onto his WHITE onsie and onto my pants. Jerk. Good thing I had a spare change of clothes... for him. I got to meet my friend with poo stained clothes. Yay me.

Payton pooed 4 times this morning before 10am! Only one of them made it out of the diaper and onto his jammies. Maybe the Huggies are working better than the size 3 generic brand.

I bought new sheets today at Ikea. Navy Blue to hide the poo. (Wasn't that a cute little rhyme there?)

The Devil Made Her Do It

There is no other way to explain her actions.

I'm sure she's possessed.

Anyone know a good exorcist?

Have Tamales, Will Travel

Our refrigerator broke today and we had to get another one. (Used, from Craigs list, $325 and it's the same size as what we have) By the time we got it replaced and going most of the freezer stuff had defrosted. There were 18 tamales in there that need to be cooked an eaten. So, if anyone wants to have my family for dinner, I'll cook those babies up and bring them over.

Friday or Saturday would be fine :)

Disney w/ Kyra and Tasha

This is pretty cool that I get to write a post about a fun time that I had with BOTH of my girls. And, to top it off, it was a time that they CHOSE to hang out with me when they had the option to go with their friends. Now, granted, I didn't make the other option sound very good, but they did choose me and their dad. I think I said something like, "would you rather go on some super slow sucky Nemo ride where you have to be all enclosed in a submarine underwater and just look at a bunch of fish that you've seen in the movie, or do you want to go on an awesome log ride where we get to scream and zoom down a hill and get splashed and have fun?"

My girls LOVED Splash Mountain and so did I. It was better than I remember it and better than the water ride we went on our first day because we didn't get soaked this time around. It was PERFECT, I tell ya, P.E.R.F.E.C.T. It was New Year's day, 8am, and everyone else in CA was sleeping apparently. The night before there was a 70 minute wait to get on this ride but that morning we walked on. The log that holds 6 people was occupied by just us 3, so it wasn't so heavy that we dumped hard into the water and got drenched. I wasn't sure if Tasha would like it or not but she absolutely did, even with the chill in the air and the mist on her arms. After the final dive at the end both girls were giggling and smiling with delight and both were wishing they could have sat in the front. We were giving each other high fives, feeling sorry for all the suckers that didn't want to ride it because they would get wet and cold, and loving the fact that we were together. To top it all off, we got to the drop off zone and there was nobody waiting to get on. The lady in charge said, "do you want to ride it again?" There were two enthusiastic "YEAH"'s before I could even turn around and see if they were up for it. I just love that my girls are all about the fun, fast rides and I'm grateful that Bill was fine taking care of Payton while I got to have this memorable time with them. Too bad the pictures I took were on my phone, the one that broke.

It's all about the ring tone

I like answering my phone and I like getting calls. I now have a cool song that greets me instead of that insesant ring. AAAH, sweet bliss that is Evening Crow. Thank you for making me smile.

One Poo, Wa-ha-ha!

Who's that vampire that counts everything on Sesame Street? It seems like Payton would keep him pretty busy these days counting his poos and everything he seems to poo on, out of, or into. Geez this kid is a mess maker. Here's what the numbers mean in this house:

1. The number of times I've washed any part of the bedding today. It's early yet, I'm sure that number will increase or I will save it until tomorrow.
2. The number of outfits that Payton wears on any given day before I give up and leave him in just a diaper.
3. The number of times Bill came home to a stripped bed last week and complained, "again?!" Like I enjoy the poo mess, taking off the sheet, washing it, drying it, and then making the bed back up. I'll give him some credit though, he did put the sheet on at least one, if not two of those occasions.
4. The number of soiled clothing items currently on our bathroom sink. They've been rinsed out, soaped up, and are in a state of semi-dryness waiting to be tossed in to the laundry.
5. The number of non-clothing items I can name that Payton has pooed on. Sheets, comforters, slings, spit up cloths, and multiple blankets.
6. The minimum number of poos in a day. This does, however, beat the alternative- one great poo that just seems to keep going and going and going, just like the Energizer bunny.
7. The minimum number of times I smile and laugh and complain to Payton, about his poo, in any given week. We have a discussion at least once a day in regards to his poo. He just smiles at me as if to say, "Ma! Everybody poos." I know, I know, but everybody doesn't poo all over everything. It's a good thing that he says it with a great deal of charm.

Now don't think that I'm complaining about this poo mess. I am not, by any means, thinking that I have it bad. I'm grateful for the sweet-smelling, yellow poo messes that I have to clean up daily. Seriously. I will take it over vomit any day. I get peed on, pooed on, or spit up on daily. Sometimes all three, multiple times. It's just the life of a mom and I count my 3 blessings of children every day. I'm just glad the poo mess ends eventually and pray that I don't grow old and repay the favor to them in my geriatric stage of life.

"Because he wants to be next to your warm body,"

he answered dreamily as he rolled over trying to get comfortable. "Everyone does."

Oh sure, she thought as she remembered the multiple times that she had been shunned as she tried to snuggle him when the heat of his body was just too much to handle. Then she watched as his chest heaved up and down, slowly gaining an irregular pattern, and his head thrashed from side to side.

After giving in, she carefully held her new found love in her arms until his breathing became steady. She loved him so much, but sometimes his need for her was overwhelming. Especially in these early morning hours when he needed to nuzzle next to her breast...

***insert car brakes screeching, driver and passenger screaming, mailman flying at the windshield, and glass breaking***

Yeah, no. I could never write fan fiction. In fact, I probably won't read any more fan fiction either. At least not the romance novel kind. This here just makes me giggle, the other (less tasteful writing) gives me a queasy feeling. Alright, I'll fess up. The above excerpt, although written by me, wasn't even fiction. It didn't exactly go down that way though...

It was 1:30 in the morning and I had just nursed Payton back to sleep. He seemed pretty out so I tried to transfer him to his crib a couple of feet from my bed. I need a little room to stretch out sometimes and our queen size bed just doesn't cut it for 3 of us when my neck is aching. So I lay him down, rub his back a little, and then cover him with a blanket. As I crawled back into bed I realized that Payton was not asleep and his eyes had popped open. Open eyes are usually a good indicator that he won't just fall back asleep. Frustrated, I asked Bill, "why won't that kid sleep in his crib after midnight?" Bill calmly says, "Because he wants to be next to your warm body."

I slugged him, knowing he was mostly asleep and delirious and wouldn't recall his comment in the morning, and then proceeded to watch Payton to determine if he would get back to sleep on his own. His head flopped back and forth a couple of times and his calm, sleepy breathing had picked up again. His head settled for a minute facing away from me, then when he turned it over again I saw those big bright eyes looking right at me. Alright, alright, I get it. I picked him up and rocked him a little to calm him down. He found his comfort zone and then indicated quite clearly that he wanted to nurse some more.

So there I lay, sandwiched in between my two favorite boys, giggling at Bill's comment and writing this blog post in my head. Obviously I couldn't get back to sleep until I typed it out. Hope you enjoy, and I hope everything is spelled correctly!

NTS: Baby Powder is Not Just For Your Baby's Butt

Last night Bill was searching the house for something for me to put under my head/neck to provide the right amount of pressure in the right spot to get rid of my migraine. While we were on vacation I was able to hang my head off the foot of the bed where there was a wooden footboard. It was heavenly. I know, I know, sick and wrong.

Anyway, we tried a glass, he broke a chunk of wood in two, and I finally settled on a plastic bottle of Miracle Whip. As I passed by Payton's crib to lay down I saw the baby powder. It was the perfect square shape, the perfect height, and had just enough give to meld to my neck. Oh, sweet bliss. I fell asleep almost instantly.

Payton is a Gem

This little kid of mine is super empathetic. I swear he has a sixth sense for when I'm feeling down or sick or hurt. He becomes this lovey dovey snugly boy and doesn't fuss a whole lot and sleeps when I need him to sleep. Last night I started getting a migraine and he fell asleep early. I couldn't fall asleep with the pain and was really worried that by the time I did get to sleep he would wake up and want to play. He did wake up just as I was getting ready for bed, but he nursed and went right back to sleep. For hours. Again he woke up, nursed, and fell to sleep. He does this often, but not usually starting at like 6pm. What a miracle child. Bill even did the chatting bit with him this morning around 3am so I didn't have to get up. Then he slept until I needed to get to my early Ward Council meeting, nursed, and hung out happily at home.

Later during the day he took a nice long nap. I was able to lay down for while, see our home teachers, then lay down again. He just liked hanging out on the bed and talking with us too. Just now he gave me lots of hugs and I think he even leaned in for a kiss at one point. Oh wait, that was him chewing on my nose. Silly boy with milk breath. Thanks for being so sweet.

We're Done Having Children

And Bill will soon be having a procedure done to make sure it doesn't happen. That's what we call it around here. A "procedure". We don't use the V word because the boys don't like to hear it. Yes, when I say "the boys" I'm talking about those boys. The ones that Joey won't let go commando in another mans fatigues. Or was that on Seinfield? Either way, I think you get the point.

Bill didn't understand why he needed a consultation before the actual event. I said, "are you kidding me? There should be at least a 3 day waiting period, just like buying a gun." Shouldn't that be the way? Guns, abortion, vasectomy (the boys can't read), IUD's, immunizations... you should have to get all the information (pro's AND con's) and then think about and research the darn thing before having anything permanent or semi-permanent done. Don't ya think?

Turns out there is more like a 30 day waiting period.

Anyway, he comes home with his little pamphlet and a list of things to consider. He passes it across the dinner table to me, points and says "read this". It's the section titled, "What are the Benefits of a Vasectomy?" It says, and I quote:

You may find that the freedom from fear of producing an unwanted child will greatly improve the mutual enjoyment in your sexual relations. You may find that your desire for sexual expression becomes more spontaneous and more frequent.

Umm.









WOOHOO!!!

What's Grosser Than Gross?

Listening to 3 tweenage girls munch on popcorn while having stuffy noses and thinking that all 3 of their hands are going into the same bowl. Yummy.

Whatta you got?

Did You Ever...

...start writing a post that you know your husband will kill you if you actually hit "publish post"?



I'm still wondering if I should do it.

A Conversation You Won't Hear in the Sauer House

Tasha yells to Kyra as she is walking past her bedroom door down the hallway,
"Aaah, I hurt my penis!"

Kyra, exasperated, "You don't HAVE a penis!"

Tasha argues back, "Yes I do!"

Kyra, sort of chuckling in a duh kind of tone, "NO, ya don't."

Tasha gives in, "Oh yeah, I don't. I have a vuh-JIE-nuh!"

I'm still laughing. Who raised these girls?

WW: MA! Stripes Make Me Look Fat!

Crazy is as Crazy Does

How funny is it to watch people in their cars? You know, when they are dancing and singing to music that you can't hear? It's hilarious and sometimes I try to determine what kind of music they are listening to. But, in the beginning, before you realize they are keeping a beat, they just look like loonies making weird faces and flipping their bodies into convulsions.



Yesterday, was one such instance. The difference was I knew this person and he wasn't jammin' to any music. I could tell. All I saw was a very animated face chatting it up to himself. His eyebrows were going and he was nodding his head and he looked very pleased with himself. What a weirdo, I thought. For one small instance I thought that this person I respected and admired had lost his marbles. Then I chuckled and called his wife. "Did ----- just leave and does he have your son with him?" She answered in the affirmative. Whew, relief. He's not loosing it. I then related the story to her and how I couldn't see their son in the backseat but that her husband was clearly entertaining him on their drive.



So there you have it. Even when our children aren't making us crazy they are making us LOOK crazy. Oh well, ya gotta love them.

NTS: Buy Bill Some Glasses

My glasses are all crooked. Bill lost his glasses and now he decided to put on mine so he could read something. He stretched them all out and now they sit lopsided on my nose. Plus, these skinny wire frames just plain don't look good on him. He had some with black frames that looks G.O.O.D. He'd be reading and then look over the top of them to say something to me and... well, I liked those glasses. A lot. Where oh where did they go?!

NTS: Plug in the Charger, DUH!

In order for a Dust Buster to be recharged, not only do you have to plug the charger into the dust busting unit, but you also have to plug the charger into the outlet in the wall. DUH! Can I place the blame on whomever unplugged the charger in the first place?

Big Love

I'm a Mormon. A real Mormon. The kind that follows an actual prophet of God, Thomas S. Monson and the ones that came before him. I belong to the true church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I'm not a RLDS Mormon that follows a reorganized (hence the 'R' in RLDS) group from the original Joseph Smith clan. I'm not one of those Mormon's that live somewhere between AZ and Salt Lake in a teeny tiny town that gives you the heebie geebies as you drive through. And I'm clearly not one of those Mormons that shack up with a couple of other wives, one husband, and live in a cult-like community with some crazy lunatic trying to get into every one's minds and pants. Ya know?

I'm not sure what this show, "Big Love", is about. I heard a while back that they were going to show a temple wedding in an actual temple-like setting. I never pursued looking any of it up because frankly, Hollywood screws everything up, and HBO really doesn't do much better. They are good at making me laugh though, and this show got grandiose chuckles from me last night. I wasn't really watching it, because I couldn't actually watch it, watch it. I was working at the computer and glancing over and listening when I thought I could tolerate it. It has an amazing cast which is what intrigued me to keep it on. I just really, really hope that there aren't people out there thinking that this is what LDS life and culture is about. Who am I kidding, I know there are. Oh well, what can I say?

As best I can tell, Bill Paxton is married to at least 3 women. Hey, if anyone could pull it off it would be him, right? I'll call them Wife1, 2, and 3. Wife 1 is Jeane Triplehorne, Wife 2 is a sad looking frizzy haired lady who's father is in prison for running this cult, and Wife 3 I confused as his daughter at first. Here's the scene that cracked me up...

All the wives are going at it because Wife 2 is all bent out of shape. She's uptight and high strung because her father is in prison and may be for life, I guess. Bill steps in to calm things down and says they should all back off because Wife 2 is under a lot of stress. (Or something like that, I wasn't paying close attention until now)
Wife 1: You're right.
Wife 3: Yeah, you're right.
Wife 1: In fact we've decided that until this trial is all over she (Wife 2) should have our nights.
Wife 1 and 3 share a smirky glance. Bill and Wife 2 share a horrified glance.

Freakin' hilarious! She can have "our nights"!!! It took me a moment to put that together. Flash forward now to their night together. Bill and Wife 2 are sitting at the dining room table playing cards.
Wife 2: Give me your 5's.
Bill: Here.
Bill: Do you want to make some popcorn?
Wife 2: No.
Wife 2: Do you have any Jacks?
Bill: No. Go fish.
Bill: Do you want to have sex with me?
Wife 2: No.

Other than these two scenes I really couldn't focus on this show. It mostly looked like a bunch of emotionally traumatized women and girls that were being manipulated by who knows who. Sad really. The dad in prison was played by the guy that played Molly Ringwald's father in Pretty in Pink. He looked even worse in this show, if you can imagine that. Oh well, that was an hour I could have spent not watching something else.

Disney w/Derek

If it weren't for Derek on this vacation, I would have strangled Tasha. This picture shows what they were good at... climbing. Did you know that there are walls and ropes and chains and planters and all sorts of things to climb on while in line for rides at Disneyland? Well, there are, and if it was there, they climbed them. I don't know why Tasha didn't see these obstacles when we went without Derek, but she didn't. Tasha adores Derek and would follow him on anything. The fun part was when Derek was game for Space Mountain. I don't know if it was because Tasha was going with or without him, but he conquered his fear of this dark, fast, and scary ride. Crystal and Jared had been able to ride it the night before so Bill and I took all the remaining kids that were brave enough. Derek was going to stay behind with Ethan, but decided to man-up and give it a go. He LOVED it... right until we went to look at the picture and he was the only one that you couldn't see. So sad because you would have seen him with a great big smile on his face! Too cool.

Disney w/ Bill and Jared

Kids at heart, Bill and Jared spent quite a bit of time entertaining the crew of kids that could ride it all. Here Jared is riding the scary caterpillar through a scent filled jungle of half-eaten fruit. Oh, just kidding, I'm pretty sure even I can run faster than this ride moved. This was our low-key day in Bugs Land over in CA Adventure. I love how the kids ham it up and throw their arms in the air to make it more thrilling. Silly kids.

Here's Bill whistling nonchalantly as he walked away from putting Tasha up on some decorations we're sure were not to be climbed on. Oh well, it made for a cute picture.

Probably the best part of this vacation for me was listening to Bill and Jared be guys. Guys are such dorks, in the sweetest sense of the word. They would be laughing so hard at dumb comments and ridiculous ideas. My favorite, the one that I witnessed first hand, was when Jared took a picture of Bill taking a picture of Tasha. She was trying to be asleep in the stroller that was meant for Payton, it was dark, and Bill's camera doesn't have a flash. These smart guys have the brilliant solution that if Jared uses the flash on his camera, and Bill times it just right, the phone will take a nice shot as well. Weirdos. I don't know how many tries it took to get it just right, but they got to laughing pretty good and it was music to my ears. (Which was good for my aching feet!)

Disney w/ Crystal

Yep, as you can imagine, this is how Crystal and I spent much of our time in Disneyland... with our smallest children snuggled up against us. Fortunately, these little guys (the 2 in the picture that are hiding from view) were able to go on many a ride while sitting on our laps or soundly asleep in the sling.

The funnest part of this trip with Crystal were the few moments that we were able to sneak away without Brandon and Payton and enjoy some rides with height restrictions. One morning we got there early and raced over to Indiana Jones and Thunder Mountain while the rest of the crew went to Fantasy Land and rode the kiddie rides. Later, after everyone else had gone on CA Soarin' while Brandon played in and ate some dirt and Payton nursed, we were able to utilize some fast passes to get that thrill as well. But the funniest part was the last night when the guys surprised us with a couple of companion passes for the Matterhorn. We had been saving a spot by the castle to watch the fireworks when they came back and gave us those. You don't have to tell us twice! We were out of there and on that ride as fast as we could. Now, apparently 2 guys sharing a bobsled on this ride are gay, but 2 girls can get away with it. That was a good thing because that's what made this ride a hoot! We've always done it with a little kid in front of us so we could see what was coming. It's a whole different ride when you can't see in front of you. We each got a turn being in front with our knees squished and in the back riding blindly. Fun, fun, fun I tell ya!

Disney w/ Cyrena

I love that Cyrena knows what she wants. Jedi Training camp? No thank you. Cyrena has been there and done that so why would she sit around waiting for that to happen again if she could be off riding the carousel? I took her and Tasha over to a couple of rides while everyone else hung out trying to get Ethan chosen as a Jedi to fight Darth Mal. Cyrena also doesn't like the Star Wars ride because it "makes my head bobble", she says as she shakes her head around a little.

Payton was screaming when most everyone was watching a 3D Bugs Life show so I missed it. I guess something happened where Cyrena wasn't able to see it all either, Jared was off getting a fast pass, and Ethan wanted another look. The 4 of us went back in to what I consider the best 3D show I've ever seen. Cyrena really liked it and was careful not to spoil it for me. To say I freaked out at the end, when the roaches crawl under your butt, would be an understatement. I screamed and jokingly scolded Cyrena for not warning me. She was so silly trying to defend herself and telling me it wouldn't have been any fun for me. I know what she was really doing, she was messing with me and wanted to see me scream like a little girl! It worked and I will hold it against her until I get her back.

Disney Eyes

As we were leaving Disneyland the first day one of the employees patted my son's butt (he was nestled asleep in the sling where he spent most of his time) and asked if it was his first time here. I chuckled at the thought that a 2 month old would have been there multiple times already and answered, "well yes it is. In fact, it is all of their first time," pointing to the girls as well.

What? 11 years old and she's never been to Disneyland before! Deprivation, I tell ya. Poor kid. Oh well, she was delighted and waited several days to find just the right pair of Minnie ears to purchase with her Christmas money. Then she wore them proudly for the remainder of the trip, tucking them away in the stroller for each roller coaster and fast rides that she could not get enough of.

And then there was Tasha. Gung-ho Tasha who was game for any and every ride... as long as it didn't involve standing in line. Well, you can imagine how that went. It turned out that the Matterhorn was our favorite ride because we learned how to make use of the companion pass and were able to ride it several times in a row without much wait in between rides. Well, it was that ride and Splash Mountain. We caught the splash early New Year's morning when everyone was still in bed. We got to the end and there was nobody waiting so they let us go right on through again without getting out. WooHoo!

BRAVO children! You are true Durrenbergers. We LOVE the fast, scary, and thrilling rides. Bring it on.

Oh Where, Is My Hairbrush?

Tasha comes bouncing in the kitchen this morning with her hairbrush and declares, "look, I found my brush!" This is after both girls had decided that they left their brushes in California. This is also after I unpacked the suitcase that they had put said hairbrushes in the very day that we got back. Where did I put the brushes? Where they belong, of course. Why did it take her 5 days to find her brush? Nobody knows, but Sunday I had to tell Kyra the whereabouts of her hairbrush as well. Anyway, this was a funny morning conversation...

"Look, I found my brush" Tasha declares to Kyra.
"No you didn't. I did! It was in the suitcase that you packed it in." I butt in.
"Really?" Tasha asks.
"Yes. You and Kyra both 'lost' your brushes right where you put them. I found them and put them up right where you keep them," I reply in a kind and jovial manner.
Silence from both girls.
"Dorks!" I add for good measure.
Giggles.
"We're dorks and dad and Brother Lee are suckers," Kyra says.
What? What is she talking about? How did those guys get involved in this conversation?
"What are you talking about?" I inquire.
"You said they were suckers," she answers.
"No I didn't. When? What are you talking about?" I'm seriously confused, but it's still early and I'm not quite awake yet.
"When we were at Disneyland and they were buying us each a stuffed animal. You said they were suckers," Kyra recalls from that perfect memory of hers that only seems to work when it comes back to bite me in the butt.
"Yes. Yes, I did call them suckers. They are and you two are dorks."
More giggles.

Bills says that I don't have to kiss Payton every time I talk to him...

I disagree.

WW: "Hey boobie, thanks for the milk."

"Survey Says"... ?!

I don't know what to do with this holiday basket that somebody left on my door after Christmas. It says that you are supposed to take out a treat, add something of your own and then pass it on. It says that it was supposed to run for the month of December and 31 people can enjoy something from someone annonymous. It arrived at my house sometime after the 25th and only 12 names are on the card. It's not December anymore and it was probably sitting at my door for a week while we were out of town. It seems like passing it on at this point is silly, but there is a lot of stuff in that basket. To be specific: 6 bags of microwave popcorn, 8 oranges, a ginormous Hershey's chocolate bar, 10 candy canes, and a cute green and white dish towel.

So, what do I do?