40 is the beginning of everything that matters...

"It's when you start to be respected in the world,

make an impact, and get listened to.

It's when you let go of everything fake

and pursue what's important to you for real.

It's when you realize that

knowing what you know,

you wouldn't go back.

40 is when you deserve to celebrate yourself

and take pride in your strengths without apologizing.

So celebrate you today-

where you are right now-

you deserve it.!"

-Hallmark

"I'm going to be 40..."

This is one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally. Sally is all upset because she's not married and doesn't have kids and her ex boyfriend just got engaged and it wasn't to her...blah, blah, blah. Then she declares:

Sally: "And I'm going to be 40" (sob, sob, sob)
Harry: "When?"
Sally: "...SOME DAY!" (SOB, SOB, SOB)
Harry: "Yeah, like in 8 years."

OK Sally. I've got you beat. I'm going to be 40... SOON! Like in 5 days!

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

So, I'm making a list of 40 things I'm going to do while I'm 40. I'm up for suggestions, although if they cost too much money I'll be calling you to flip the bill.

My $17 Goodwill Bookshelf

Softcover:
The Kindness of Strangers (Katrina Kittle)
Call Me Hope (Gretchen Olson)
Peony In Love (Lisa See)
Sundays at Tiffangy's (James Patterson)
Tears of the Giraffe (Alexander McCall Smith)
girls' night out (Collection of female authors)
The Weight of Silence (Heather Gudenkauf)
Shopgirl (Steve Martin)
a childlike heart (Alan D. Wright)
Love Between Equals (Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.)
the 5 people you meet in heaven (Mitch Albom)

Hardcover:
tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
Another Season(Gene Stallings and Sally Cook)
White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
a complicated kindness (Miriam Toews)

Well, if you've read any of these or have an idea on where I should start, please give me a suggestion. I actually finished the 5 people you meet in heaven already, which is why I snatched up tuesdays with Morrie when I saw it today. I guess I found a new hobby: shopping for books I don't have time to read at Goodwill on halfprice day. If you're interested in any, you know where I live.

Is Ignorance Bliss?

It seems like the more I know about these things, the more I NEED to know about these things, thus making me work that much harder:

• school
• religion
• food additives
• healthcare
• politics

...the list goes on.

Really, life would be easier if I could just live in ignorance. I guess that's like living without a conscience though, isn't it? Ugh.

"Flawed"

Here's a great link if you have a few minutes. (Thanks, dear friend o' mine!)

"We can either feel terrible about our flaws or we can take a different route and embrace them. I might not have perfect ----s, but I am ME and no one can pull that off as well as I can."

I can't agree with this statement for all flaws, but I think there are a host of what some would consider flaws that fall into this category. To those people, and those flaws that just really don't matter... I say to heck with it all! Be yourself. Who knows, that flaw might just become your greatest asset.

My Book List

Without thinking too hard about it, think of 15 books in the next 15 minutes or so that have impacted your life. They are the ones that stuck with you through the years. Maybe you can quote them, maybe not. Maybe you pick them up and reread, maybe not. The point is, they stick with you for some reason. I have one on my list that sticks because it helped me understand what kind of a reader I am, and what kind of books/characters I don't like.

• The Outsiders, SE Hinton
• Mere Christianity, CS Lewis
  
• The Book of Mormon
• To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
  
• Fahrenheit 454, Ray Bradbury
• The Diary of Anne Frank
• Jonathon Livingston Seagull, Richard Bach
  
• The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
  
• Peter Rabbit series, Beatrix Potter
• A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini
• A Child Called It, Dave Peltzer
• Flag of Our Fathers, James Bradley
  
• Where the Red Fern Grows, Wilson Rawls
• Dr. Seuss, most anything for different reasons
• I Learn to Read and Write the Way I Learn to Talk, Marlene Barron
  

Thank you to the Jensens for the reminder that reading really is a part of who you are. "Reading becomes part of who you are in a way that nothing else can", Kathleen Kelly in You've Got Mail.

I thought about adding some parenting books and self-help books to the list, but I just couldn't. That kind of therapy, while shapes who a person is for some people, just isn't me. I know plenty of people that would scream how wrong I am, but too bad. Those aren't the books that stick out in my mind and I can't recall the names of them. Only one, Confronting The Myth of Self-Esteem, is in my memory bank and that's because it basically gave me confirmation that what the world sees as self-esteem is a bunch of crap. It didn't shape me, just boosted my self-esteem. A-ha!

Your turn. I look forward to seeing other people's lists.

Shipping Out 2010

My friend Scott kind of challenged me to come up with things I accomplished last year. Part of me wants to strangle him (chuckle, chuckle) but since I walked right into the challenge I guess I have to live up to it. It's hard for me to look back and think of things I've done as successes, but I think this process has actually been good for me. You know, I DID do something worthwhile this year! I think that part of what I have to recognize is that some things that come easy to me are hard for others. Sadly, a few things on this list are fairly simple for others but were HUGE hurdles for me (see items 3 and 5, specifically!).


So, here's what I've got:

1. Found, registered, and joined the PTA at a new school for Kyra. (McKemy Middle school, a public school in Tempe, but not our home school)



2. Volunteered to be the Parent Council Co-Chair at Tasha's school. (Desert Marigold, a Waldorf inspired charter school)



3. Filed all the paperwork to get Payton's birth certificate. (a multifaceted process if done after the first 7 days your child is born, at home, with no medical staff present)



4. Lost all the weight I gained while pregnant with Payton.



5. Successfully nursed Payton for a full year (and running...)



6. Planned a trip to the Gila Valley Temple Open House for the young women and their families. (I had plenty of help from my presidency and family)


7. Successfully pushed to have Bishop's Youth Council and Bishop's Youth Discussion on the same night and held regularly, even though we only had about 4-6 active youth at the time.


8. Started tutoring again, working for a non-profit that my friend runs and actually wants to turn over to me and her daughter.

Because April Said...

April overheard me having a conversation with Pat at church today. She said it was classic and totally bloggable. So, here it is, my life:

I got an MP3 player over a year ago.
I just got music loaded onto it last month.
I can now use said MP3 player.
Until last Thursday when I let Tasha use it.
She changed the settings.
It was all written in Spanish.
And it would only play one song.

Anywho, Pat fixed it and now it should be fine. I haven't really checked it out though. Maybe tomorrow morning... if I get to the gym.

I Did it...

I ate 2 pounds of M&M's all by myself.

I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed.

Proud that I was able to hide them from my family for 2 weeks, or ashamed that all that chocolate is inside of me. I mixed a bag of plain with a bag of mint and they were oh-so-good!

Towards the end there (it did take 2 weeks), I couldn't hide them from PT anymore. It was easiest to sneak them when nobody was home (duh), but he figured out where I had them and would point and say "mo-0h". He only asked for "more" on that last day though. I recognized the problems that could arise if my one year old was pointing for something that his sisters and father did not know exist, so we finished them off and I showed him the empty bowl. "dall-dun" (arms waving). Yes, my son, they are "all done".

Now, the real question is this: do I try to pull it off again?

NTS: Don't Lose Cell Phone

It causes a lot of dilemmas.

It does, however, cause for a quite afternoon. Or two. Or three.

The timeline has yet to be determined.

Calling In Sick

When I was working and going to school I often times would do both while sick. I'd lay my head on my desk while going through the motions and listening to the lecture. What did the teacher care, I was just a number and I attended class that day. I'd stand at my cash register sipping my Coke and eating crackers while dishing off most responsibility to the other employees that felt fine. They didn't mind because at least I was there and they didn't have to cover the things that I could do like ring up customers and answer phones. They were grateful for what I could give.

So what does it look like when you call in sick as a mom? Are we allowed to? Will life as we know it end and the home stop functioning properly? Will the children feel unloved and abandoned? Will our husbands fire us? And what is our job anyway?

I was listening to the radio last week and they said that if you added up all the jobs and responsibilities that a mother does in any given week, she would make well over $100,000 a year. Right on, I thought. Then I started thinking about what those jobs were and what I would actually get paid to do them. Janitor? I would have been fired. Cook? Average pay, I believe. Nurse? Eh, it's hit or miss if I have band aids in the house.

But who really gets paid the big bucks? The CEO's, the Presidents and owners of successful companies. And for some of those owners, is it really the pay and financial increase, or is it the reward of seeing something you've created from the ground up actually make a difference in the world?

I overheard a phone conversation at the library a while ago where a man was talking to someone that was trying to sell him something. He finally ended the call by saying, "listen, I'd like to make the decision here, but you're talking to the CEO. My wife is the President of this family and I have to check with her first." I hope his wife caught wind of that discussion and feels her infinite worth as a contributor to their family and society in general.

A friend recently posted that mothers and teachers are two of the primary wealth contributors to society. Right on, I'm both. But where's my wealth?

• It's in the eyes of my children as they laugh and play.
• It's the student that can read and his parents that are grateful.
• It's the youth that make my Wednesday nights delightful.
• It's the relationships that form and endure through the tough times.
• It's the inflection in my daughters voices as they repeat common sayings around our house and the friends that tell me how much they sound like me.
• It's seizing the moment to capture a good time.

And most importantly, it's today. The day that I'm calling in sick from most of my responsibilities, eating crackers, sipping on a Coke, and hopefully won't go under. I'd like to think that I've set up this business I like to call home in a way that lets the other employees take charge. We don't have to put up the "Closed" sign because the President isn't feeling well. The 11 year old can start laundry and cook dinner. The 6 year old makes a fine babysitter. And the CEO will come home and pull a second shift because he's just as devoted to this company as the President is.

Doctrine and Covenants 89:22-24

If the Lord were to write me a verse of scripture in relation to the Word of Wisdom, it would read something like this:

And to my servant, Helena Durrenberger, I say: caffeine is not for the body, and is not for use in cold or hot drinks, and is not for candy or sweets of any kind, even if only found in a cookie, bar, or cake.

And it is pleasing unto me that it be used only for the healing of the brain in times of severe migraines, to be used with judgment and skill; nevertheless it is to be used sparingly and is not pleasing unto thy breastfed children.

And, again, caffeinated beverages are not for the body or thy children, but for healing purposes only to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.

And then, in the margin of the scriptures I would write my note: NO Coke or chocolate while lactating!

"Once Upon A Time..."

There was a girl who was born into a family.

They had some trials and not everything was perfect, but life went on.

The girl grew up and got married and had a family of her own.

They had some trials and not everything was perfect, but life went on.

The girl had some great friends and some great family members come and go through her life. There were good times and there were bad times. She met some adversity and had some sadness, but she perservered. And life went on.

The Savior was an important part of her life. He was always there for her.

The girl was happy most of the time. She could forget her troubles and embrace the good times. She could let things go and focus on the positive. She laughed, a lot. She wasn't a worrier, about most things. She seized the moment and enjoyed the things that life threw at her. She loved, a lot. And life went on.

"...and she lived happily ever after."

Because she was an eternal optimist.

Thank you President Uchtdorf for your inspiring words to the young women in the world. We will all live happily ever after! And we will "Be strong and of a good courage." (Joshua 1:9)

That's The Way I Like It

I'm going up to my mom's house in Forest Lakes tomorrow. We're supposed to leave in the morning.

I haven't packed and the clothes are still drying.

I have no idea where the snow gear is. I should have borrowed a sled and I want to take a few shovels but don't know where one would be.

None of this stresses me out. It's just life.

I COULD have stayed home all day doing all these preparations, but I didn't. There was more fun to be had elsewhere.

I COULD have spent my night doing these things, but I didn't. Again, there was more fun to be had doing other things.

I did get dinner made, a bit late...Bill ate when he was done home teaching.

I did try a new recipe for his Irish Pot Luck tomorrow. It's kind of tasty, for potatoes.

The dishes are done. Well, one is soaking.

BUT the kids are happy and I'm happy. Therefore, all is well.

I'm just not a "get it done" kind of person. I'm about people and they were more important to me today than a check list of things that needed doing. It will happen tomorrow and things will be a little frantic and some things might get missed. Our trip might not be as great as it could have been, but I wouldn't trade it for the good of today.

Live in the now...appreciate the small stuff...cease the moment...

That's the way I like it.

Don't Tell Me What to Do!

I've seen this attitude in Tasha many a time. If you suggest something to her, she won't do it even if she wants to. If you give her a choice and she knows you are leaning one way, she'll do it the other way. Sometimes, she will not do something that she really really wants because you have agreed that is it OK. Stubborn child!

Apparently, she gets it from her mother.

I had this conversation recently:

Me: (reluctantly) I just don't want to be told what to do.
Friend: CLEARLY!
Me: I don't like the enthusiasm with which you just said that.
Friend: Let's just say I don't want to be around you when you're 80.

So there you have it, "Don't tell me what to do!" That's my new mantra.

SOMEBODY wants me to read a book that I don't want to read. It's a parenting book and I refuse to be told how to parent. This author doesn't know me or my child so how can they tell me how to parent? Don't tell me what to do! Actually, what I realized is that if you teach me why my child is behaving a certain way I am happy to try to work with that behavior. If you give me insight into boy/girl differences, I'll be happy to treat them differently. Now, in all honesty, I've not picked up this book so I have no idea what it's about, just an idea. I'm just resisting to be stubborn. Somebody might just have to shove the book into my hand like they did Twilight. Just be prepared for me to stall and not finish it or hate the philosophy and not tell you about it. (This is actually the reason I'm resisting this particular book which is probably why this person wants me to read it in the first place. Stubborn, stubborn me.)


Friend #1: "Clearly" I have issues!
Friend #2: I still love you!
Other friend: Just loan me the damn book so I can get this over with. I know you know who you are. I know you think I should read it. I also know that you don't think I'll do anything is says because I'm just as stubborn as you are when it comes to changing my ways.

The Stage of My Mind

I was reading an article in the Ensign this evening and found a quote that really made me think. That's not really unusual (for me to think), except that this quote (without the remainder of it) has abosolutely no bearing, whatsoever, on what the article was talking about. So, I'm not giving you the link. Here's the quote:

"The mind is like a stage. During every waking moment the curtain is up. There is always some act being performed on that stage. It may be a comedy, a tragedy, interesting or dull, good or bad; but always there is some act playing in the stage of your mind." (Boyd K. Packer, New Era, April 2008.)

For most of us, I think the "stage" could more commonly be referred to as a big box that sits in our living room or a big screen in an auditorium projecting movies. Not many of us get to the theatre these days, and even if we do, we get a lot more of our viewing from the comfort of our own homes. The whole "plug in drug" is a discussion and thought process for another time and another post though, so I'm letting that one go. My thought process on this whole "the stage of my mind" is based on what we choose to watch and enjoy as individuals. I'm wondering if what and how we choose to watch TV and movies is a reflection of how our mind stages the reality of our life. OK, that came out sounding quite a bit deeper than I envisioned. You'll be sorely disappointed when you keep reading.

I've been asked, on several occasions what kinds of movies I like. I can't pinpoint it, because it really does depend on the mood that I'm in. I have many favorite movies, and most of them have some sort of humor in them. Romantic comedies certainly fall at the top of the viewing list, followed closely by inspiring sports movies that I enjoy watching with Bill. These are the types of shows that I will re-watch, the ones that leave you with that "feel good" mood, triumphant victory, and defeating the odds. I like a good, happy ending. Sometimes it's dramatic, emotional, and unrealistic, other times it just plays out kind of naturally. Either way, I'm good.

I was trying to think about some of my favorite shows as a child, a family, a couple, etc. What did we watch and did it influence the way we thought of the rest of the world, was it an escape, was it to make us think, etc.? Do we have to relate to a particular character to enjoy a show? Are we looking for someone like us or are we hoping to find someone completely unlike our self? I know, as a teenager, I would read to escape and live a life that was completely opposite of my boring, hum drum life. I must have read The Outsiders a dozen times one summer and dreamed about being Cherry Valance. Were there any similarities between her and I? Absolutely none, outside of having red hair. The characters I like on TV are ones that I wish I could behave like, but know that I can't (usually because their morals are not completely up to par). So, I'd never preach to anyone that they shouldn't watch or like something because it doesn't conform to the standards that they should live by. And I'll keep reminding myself of that as my children get older and older.

I've never been a fan of reality television and I can only say that if I'm going to watch about real people, I'd rather it be the people I know in real life, not some crazy strangers that are overacting because they know they're on TV. I like TV to be scripted, but does that mean I'd like life to be scripted? I don't think so. I like surprises. So does that mean that I watch the opposite of what I like in real life for a break? I don't think that's the case either.

Some of my standby favorite shows are comedies: M*A*S*H*, The Cosby Show, Friends, Seinfeld. These are the reruns that I will commonly stop flipping channels for and this is where I'm comfortable. I'm not a comedian by any means, I just like to laugh at the crazy things that happen in this world and try to move on from there. I can't take life too too seriously, but can handle it when that ball is thrown my way as well. I can only remember one episode of M*A*S*H* being completely serious, but it seems like there were often times bits of real war trauma that would pop up now and again. The Cosby Show had family dynamics, real family and peer pressure issues, and childhood drama, but they did it with the air of humor. That's how I have to live my life, with an air of humor and without taking myself too seriously. I liked Friends because it wasn't about just one person, it was about a lot of people and how they supported and interacted with one another. I could never be on the center stage, the one man act. Even Seinfeld was more about the group than it was just Jerry. I'm not even sure he was the funniest person on that show, and I think he was OK with that.

I've ventured into the dramatic series as well. We used to watch West Wing, ER, Grey's Anatomy, any Law and Order series, Dallas (does anyone remember back that far?). Bill and I used to talk about how we didn't know anything about the character's real lives on West Wing, ER or Law and Order. The show was all about the politics, the medicine or the courtroom. We were very detached from the characters and not at all drawn to the shows because of ongoing drama in their lives. The characters had personalities that brought the shows to life, but they were not the center stage of the show. The other shows, however, were all about the drama and lives of the individuals and how they interacted. They were nothing more than night time soap operas. I'm not sure how/why we've enjoyed both of these types of series, but we have.

I guess I'm just wondering if you had to pick one type of stage to live your life on, would it reflect the kind of life that you want to or do lead? I'd pick romantic comedy and I think that's the kind of life I lead: not too serious, a bit of emotion, not too dramatic, and I'll live it the best way I can to make a happy ending for all the characters involved. That's just me though. This world would be very uninteresting if everyone lived on the same stage. Tell me your stage, write your own post, or call me a cracked pot for even venturing into this comparison. I don't know, I just know that when life throws you lemons...

I think I said it before...

And I'm gonna say it again...

I LOVE WATERMELON!!!

And it's not even really watermelon season yet. I bought one. It was red and juicy, and not really sweet, but still oh so refreshing.

AAAAH, sweet watermelon. How I love you. I think I'll go have another slice.

(Yep, I did say it before.)

Thank you Gina!

I'm not a Wolverine fan, nor do I follow whatever movies Wolverine is in, but I am a Hugh Jackman fan. Have I ever seen him looking so good?! Nope, I don't think so. Look at those arms baby! Holy muscles batman. And that smile. Hummina-hummina-hummina! Anything you say Mr. Jackman. I think I might have to add this picture to my sidebar.

(And, ya know, this picture was taken at our very own Tempe Marketplace. Too bad I didn't know, I probably wouldn't have gone.)

Friendship is Like a Fruit Bowl!

I've always hated it when people refer to America as the "Melting Pot". They infer that people of different nationalities come here and lose a bit of themselves and just meld into what is known as America. I took a class at ASU where the teacher compared the America to a salad. I like this much better. In fact, she compared it to the salad you get at the Olive Garden. When the salad first comes to your table all the greens are on the bottom, the tomatoes are sectioned together, onions are in another section, there are a few olives and peperoncinis. Then they drizzle the delicious dressing over the top, but they don't mix it up. Now, you can dig right in and scoop some out if you want and it will be a great salad. You won't get the delicate blend of flavors all mixed together though, and you won't savor all of the tastes. Personally, it took me a while to appreciate the red onion, but now I love it. Our family usually asks for more olives, and I've even gotten Bill to eat the peppers on occasion. The croutons are just the icing on the cake!

But what does this have to do with friendship and fruit? I thought that it would make Rachel laugh because I'm pregnant and think about food all the time! Actually, I thought friendship was a little bit like that salad bowl, but I know a little bit more about fruit than I do vegetables. Fruits also have a core to them and I recently had a conversation with a friend about the core of people. She said something crazy like, "I'm afraid if you find out what my core is like, you won't like me anymore." Silly girl! I can usually see through the fleshy part of the fruit into some one's core before they are really want me to know what it's all about. Sometimes I'm surprised, but for the most part I'm usually right on. She was probably referring to the core of the universe or something, but like I said, I'm pregnant and think about food... A LOT.

So are you hungry yet? What in the heck am I talking about here? Well, I'm saying that I think I can assign all my friends to pieces of fruit, based on their personality and friendship traits. Bill thought I was crazy, but when I gave him an example he said, "wow, that was a lot deeper than I thought it would be." What can I say? I'm deep when it comes to my fruit. But not everyone would want to be compared to a piece of fruit, especially from my point of view. Here's an example, and I'll use myself as the guinea pig:

I'm an apple. Plain, simple, nothing too special, but most people like apples. There are many varieties of apples to fit my many different moods. In a social setting, apples are usually diced up and spread out. Rarely do you see a whole apple at a party. People eat apples in many different ways too, and that's OK with me. My least favorite way is the apple slicer though, that hurts. You just place that baby on top of me, push down, and throw out the core. That's harsh. The funny thing is, most of my close friends adore the apple slicer, including my husband. He keeps buying them and I keep "losing" them. Other people don't like the skin and carefully slice it off. Then they either slice it up, or eat it whole. Some people just take a bite and eat it whole, all the way down to the core. The funny thing about the core of an apple is sometimes you can get to the seeds pretty easily, other times the center is kind of hard and you don't want to mess with it. I think I'm like that. Personally, this is my favorite way to eat an apple: I slice it in half, then in quarters; then I carefully cut the core off the tasty flesh of the apple; sometimes the seeds fall out, sometimes I accidentally cut them in half, sometimes they just cling to the core; then I slice the quarters into 2 or 3 more pieces, depending on how long I want that apple to last and if I am sharing; I'll usually leave the quartered core on the cutting board until I'm done, but sometimes it will go right into the compost pile. This complicated apple slicing just goes to prove how high maintenance I am and Bill just said, "If I had known all this about you, I wouldn't have even gotten close." That's the funny thing about the apple: sometimes a slice or two will do, but when you're starving you might want the whole thing.

So, do you think you can take it?! Do you want to know what kind of fruit I think you are? The better I know you, the more juicy the details. (haha, a little fruit humor there) April, you were the easiest and you are going to DIE laughing! So leave me a comment and I'll try to email your fruit personality and see if you want me to post it. But remember, this fruity theory is based on how I know you.

The Compliment Guys

Some friends of mine have a blog and there is always a list of things that they find "interesting". They are usually pretty deep and/or long (!) articles that I don't get all the way through or am not personally interested in. Remember, I like happy endings and don't like to dwell on on the negative. Optimistic to a fault baby, that's me!

Anyway, click here to get the full story of these 2 guys giving out free compliments to people at Purdue University. You can either read the article, or watch the video since it's mainly the same information. I absolutely LOVED this story! This is TOTALLY something I would do, who wants to join me?! When and where?!