Dear Bill,

Seventeen years ago today was our wedding day. It was beautiful, fun, silly, eventful, and crazy! We were married in the morning, had lunch with your family, set up for the reception, partied with all our friends and then went back to our hotel room. The one your parents reserved for us. The one that had the twin beds. Yep, remember that? Our honeymoon suite had twin beds. Just what, exactly, was your mother trying to tell us? Oh well, it all worked out in the end, and they weren't even charged for the broken nightstand.

We didn't make plans for today. No special date, dinner, or movie. It was just another day and that's OK. No cards, no gifts, no apologies, and certainly no obligations. Just the way we both like it. At one point I even thought to myself, "nobody besides us even knows today is any different than any other day." Well, my mom did and I was sure our friend Sue would because she remembers all that jazz. I started to get sad that we didn't do something special to commemorate these past 17 years, but then I knew what I always know: it's not necessary. This day is not the day that defines us. It's all the other times that matter most...

• It was last week when we sat in the chapel at the temple waiting for a sealing to start and I felt like I was 18 and holding your hand for the first time.
• It was the baseball game we attended on an hours notice while I was still pregnant with Payton.
• It was the day you sounded unsure of something on the phone and I met you for lunch and we worked everything out.
• It was the text message you sent at just the right time.
• It was the game you muted to find out how mutual went.
• It was the dishes you did because you knew I'd had a long day.
• It was the way you didn't yell at me when I got the car impounded for being stupid.
• It was the back massage that was just a back massage... and the one that wasn't.

But most importantly, it really was today. This day that I inadvertently made fry bread for dinner. Fry bread reminds me of the fair. and last time either of us went to the fair was while we were dating. You didn't even remember. I couldn't remember who we went with. Then the girls started asking questions. "When was your first kiss?" Like I remember!?! But you did. How sweet was that? "What was your first date?" My face still hurts from smiling so much. And then we recalled the World Series that we watched together and the baseball movies that we shared as a common interest.

We abandoned the table and the dishes, got the kids in their jammies and plugged in a VHS tape of Field of Dreams. I couldn't place why we both liked this movie so much until tonight. That couple is so us. They are nuts and they joke around and poke fun at each other. They get each other and so do we. Even better, Kyra gets it. She sat in the chair tonight giggling when she knew what was going to happen. I've caught her giggling at us as I call you a jerk and you demand something from your woman. I've found myself telling her quite often lately that her parents are nuts. Again, she giggles and tells me that she knows. I believe she likes that about us and so do I. Thanks for not taking life too seriously, it would really be a drag.

I don't remember when I changed from saying, "love you" to "love us". It was probably shortly after I responded to your "I love you" with a resounding, "shut up!" Anyway, Happy Anniversary Babe. Seventeen years and counting. We should throw a party at 20!

Love us,

H

Dear "pami51",

I enjoy the recipes at allrecipes.com. If there is one that sounds tasty but something looks odd I will read the reviews. Like you, I get frustrated when people say how great it was BUT... and then they go on to list all the changes they made. This makes it a different recipe entirely. Anyway, I loved your comment on Jenn's Out Of This World Spaghetti and Meatballs. You said:

"IF YOU ARE MAKING MANY CHANGES TO THIS RECIPE THEN IT IS NOT THE SAME RECIPE. IF YOU DO NOT USE ALL THE CANS OF TOMATO PASTE YOU CERTAINLY WILL NOT NEED ALL THE SUGAR. IF YOU DOAN'T MAKE IT EXACTLY AS IT IS HERE THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE REVIEWING IT. SUBMIT YOUR OWN RECIPE AND LEAVE THIS ONE ALONE. "

You make me laugh. I'll cook with you any day. I will however, omit some of the sugar in this sauce because I "doan't" like me a sweet sauce. That's the kind of change I feel should be made since we all know our own taste buds.

Fondly,
H

P.S. I'll forgive your spelling error because when one is on a good rant, one can not be stopped to use spellcheck, check for typos, or other such nonsense. Way to let them have it!

Dear Jenny,

I hate you.

And your stupid sister-in-law.

I went to your blog, linked to one of the blogs you follow, and read this post.

Damn you. Now I'm all worked up and there's nobody home for me to rant at.

I'm such a bad Mormon. That post I read just confirms this fact. I won't be teaching my children all this nonsense about marrying early and starting their family right away. That's just garbage. Do I really think that they will have such little self-control that they will have sex before getting married just because they wait until they are mature enough to marry? I would certainly hope not. I have no problem if they truly meet their spouse at a young age and marry, but I agree with your mom that rushing to get married because you're afraid you'll have sex is just plain stupid. She's a wise woman, your mother. You can tell her so.

I hate your sister-in-law because I borrowed her book and it tells me that I can't actually blame you for my feelings. I need to take ownership for them or else you are in control of me. We all know how I feel about people controlling me now, don't we?

This book that I'm reading (Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline) is, in fact, the dumb book that you were supposed to read for a book club and didn't read. It's "therapy in a book" and it's "knocking my socks off" to quote 2 very brilliant women, that I hate.

And, FYI, when I say "shut up" to Bill, he responds with "I love you too." So, you can figure out what "I hate you" means and get back to me.

I really should have gone to bed with Payton. I'm really just waiting for Bill to bring me home one of a couple hundred chicken legs that he just bar-b-qued.

H

Dear David DeAngelo,

I just wanted to let you know that whatever you paid Google, and whomever you paid to set up the target words to get your site to pop up on the "sponsored links" on google ads is working. It was money well spent. In the past 2 days, your site had come up on the sidebar next to my GMail account as I've read some emails that people have sent me. I don't always look at these, but I do often enough to see repeats when it comes to the sponsors.

The thing is, Mr. DeAngelo, I'm not sure why your site keeps coming into my inbox. You run a site for picking up women. I'm a woman. A heterosexual woman. A married, heterosexual woman. Go figure.

Anyway, have a nice day. Good luck in your business. It's been a while since I've been able to write anyone a letter and I doubt this one will make it to the google page (thank goodness!). You have a lot of followers and links out there. I'm sure you'll be fine without my business.

Fondly,
H

Dear Sweetsurprise.com

I thank you for your recent advertisements promoting your product, high-fructose-corn-syrup (HFCS). I have seen 2 different ads now where the person that questions the use of HFCS has been at a complete loss of words when confronted by a proponent of your product. These people have only heard that HFCS is bad for you and have no idea how to defend their position. They are then told about this natural product that you promote as being the same as sugar. Your website even does a pretty good job at finding similarities between HFCS, sugar, and honey. Again, I thank you for your television commercials to get me to further research your product, solidify my opinion, and realize why it is BAD, BAD, BAD.

On your website you state that HFCS is digested the same as sugar and honey, but the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition says this: "Fructose is absorbed primarily in the jejunum before metabolism in the liver. Fructose is converted to fatty acids by the liver at a greater rate than is glucose.14 When consumed in excess of dietary glucose, the liver cannot convert all of the excess fructose in the system and it may be malabsorbed." (You can find the quote here) The study you quote suggesting the same digestive process, was conducted on "lean women" and was for the purpose of studying the effects of HFCS and sucrose consumption on appetite in normal-weight women, not whether or not the products are digested the same. There is a theory out there stating that the liver converts fructose into fat quicker than it would sucrose. If you look at that statement by the American Journal again, it sounds like a pretty good theory.

Now let's take a look at the environmental effect your not-so-fabulous product has on our precious earth. The Washington Journal gave me this quote: "The environmental footprint of HFCS is deep and wide," writes Pollan, a prominent critic of industrial agriculture. "Look no farther than the dead zone in the Gulf (of Mexico)...where virtually nothing will live because it has been starved of oxygen by the fertilizer runoff coming down the Mississippi from the Corn Belt. Then there is the atrazine in the water in farm country -- a nasty herbicide that, at concentrations as little as 0.1 part per billion, has been shown to turn male frogs into hermaphrodites." (That would be a little boy frog with both male and female reproductive organs. Hmm.)

The part I liked best on your website was how you explain the "natural" process by which honey, sugar, and HFCS are manufactured. I didn't even try to understand the manufacturing of any of these products. I assume that if you can confuse a reader by stating, "a small amount of the glucose is converted into gluconic acid and hydrogen peroxide by the enzyme glucose oxidase, which preserves the mixture," then you can probably simplify the process by which HFCS is made. In case you (or anyone else) didn't understand that statement, it is part of the the "manufacturing process" that bees go through while making our honey. Really?

I try to buy American when I can, but nothing you say is going to convince me that this American product is better for me than anything we import. Yes, sugar beets are grown in foreign countries and the sugar does need to be imported. Not all of it, but some. You say on your sight (under "sweeteners at a glance") that most honey is now imported from China. I would really, really, really like to know where you get this statistic. I read labels and I don't ever recall seeing Chinese honey. Seriously, I always look for honey made in Arizona because it is supposed to help with my allergies. Today I purchased a 6 pound jug of Crockett honey from Costco ($9.99). Not only was it made in the good old USA, it was packaged right here in Tempe Arizona. Chinese honey! That just sounds funny. (no offense to the Chinese)

I recognize that it was the Corn Refiners Assn. that launched this great big campaign to defend HFCS. It was also the Corn Refiners Assn. that started the Internet site. And, the Corn Refiners Assn. are the ONLY people popping up on the first page of sites when you google "high fructose corn syrup" that has anything positive to say about HFCS. I further recognize that the reason people know about http://www.sweetsurprises.com/ is because the Corn Refiners Assn. has paid for advertising to defend and sell their product. Whose information am I going to believe? Should I believe the people selling me a product, or all the other people, researchers, dieticians, reporters, and scientists who debate the quality of your product? I'm going with the later, not the salesmen.

I am still a little confused on what exactly I will say if I am attacked by one of your HFCS supporters, but I am grateful for the opportunity I have to study a little bit more about your product. I am now, more than ever, excited to scan the shelves to avoid your product. Thank you for renewing my efforts. I'll close with this yummy statement From Mother Linda, "Consumers trying to avoid genetically modified foods should avoid HFCS. It is almost certainly made from genetically modified corn and then it is processed with genetically modified enzymes. I've seen some estimates claiming that virtually everything--almost 80 percent--of what we eat today has been genetically modified at some point. Since the use of HFCS is so prevalent in processed foods, those figures may be right."

Fondly,

H

P.S. Don't get me wrong, I'm not banning your product, just trying really hard to avoid it. Heck, I love me a good Coke every once in a while. (Maybe I'll look for some of the few imported bottles that are made with real cane sugar!)