Found this Via a Friend's Blog

The Power of 'Yes'!

Basically, say less 'no', say more 'yes'. Stop trying to make people (kids) be who you think they should be, and let them be who they are. Stop listening to people tell you who you should be, and be who you want to be.

'No' is for emergencies and safety situations :)

Freeze your Eyebrows

I attended a parenting Q and A panel last week where I thought I might just cringe at all the old school, by the book advice that was sent out. There was a little, but mostly I was refreshingly surprised and even picked up a good tip or two. The best thing I learned was "freeze your eyebrows". That just cracks me up, but makes so much sense. When your kids (or anyone, for that matter) are talking to you, freeze your eyebrows so as not to give away your immediate reaction. If you don't respond right away, you have time to formulate a coherent statement, gain a little composure, and even say a little prayer if you need to. No more shock value if your teenager wants to knock you to the floor with the latest scandal at school or in their life. Maybe I'll practice in a mirror since people typically know how I feel because it is written all over my face. I need to find a non-fake, sincere, non-contemplative, and loving look. Yeah, not gonna happen. Hmm, anyone got any better advice?

Seeing Christmas Through New Eyes

Deiter F. Uchtdorf gave a beautiful talk at a Christmas devotional this year. You can click here to hear his talk, but I'm going to include the notes I took below as my gift to you this Christmas. He suggests 3 things to do this season to celebrate:

1. Rejoice in the birth of our Savior

• When Christ was born the angels sang in heaven, the veil was parted, and all could hear the good tidings of great joy.
• Wise men fell down and worshipped Him and gave gifts
• Take TIME and REJOICE

2. Ponder His influence in our lives today

• slow down and reconsider what matters most
• Time of: remembrance, friendship, forgiveness
• Time to: renew, recommit, obey His commandments

3. Look steadfastly for His coming

• There is HOPE in His return
• It will be a time of: peace, joy, and learning

Look for the good!

Merry Christmas!

"Don't Give A Crap"

This was the wise advice that my chiropractor had to offer me last week: "Don't give a crap."

Our family actually missed a night of camping because I was fighting off a migraine on Friday. I was supposed to go into the chiropractor at 1, but that required Tasha to watch Payton while we were there, and her moaning at the idea was the last straw for me. I lost it, whined like a baby, pouted and said, "Fine. I'm not going camping. You can ask your dad to take you." And that was it. I got Payton to sleep, picked up Kyra, whined some more, and told Bill I couldn't get it together to leave that night. Mom was a big flop and life sucked.

Then Bill got home and I could get out for my massage and back/neck cracking. Oh, sweet painful bliss! There is a spot on my left shoulder, at the bottom of what feels like a steel rod of a tendon, that has a knot. The knot should not be there, but it comes and goes with stress. When that therapist pressed down on that spot (with her elbow, mind you), oh sweet mother of all things painful (!) the pressure in my head disappeared. Nothing ever hurt so good and managed the pain so well. She worked relentlessly on both sides of my shoulders finding 4 separate knots and then moved onto my neck. Ugh. That hurt. But alas, the pain, the migraine, and the strained eye-sight was gone.

Then Dr. Lee popped my back. He snapped my neck. He pulled on my head. We discussed the migraines. After eliminating other possibilities (for this one at least) I told him, "I know this is stress induced. There's no doubt about it. This week has sucked. What do I do about that? How do I prevent stress?" Then comes the brilliant answer. The worst, best advice I've ever gotten. Or is it the best, worst advice? I don't know. Either way, I know I can't really follow it, but I can laugh about it and that helps a little.

So if you see me stressed out, popping a vein in my forehead, or worse yet- rubbing the base of my head and squinting my eyes, just repeat the wise advice of my chiropractor: "H, just don't give a crap."

Some Clarification

Well, after my last post, I've talked with several people and had a few comments on the quote I put in there. I was kind of seeing if that quote could stand on it's own and make sense, but it doesn't. For several reasons I was trying to just include part of the author's statement. But here you go, I'll give it all to you. It is from Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem- Twelve Keys to Finding Peace, by Ester Rasband. The chapter is titled "Stand ready to sacrifice your self-esteem".

"As I studied the baffling and plentiful writings on self-esteem, the more I read of secular things, the more I found myself concentrating on the scriptures. I began to see how placing importance on self-esteem itself instead of on the "just and right" and its "management" has evolved into mass selfishness in every age. When we believe we must feel worthy in and of ourselves to think well of ourselves, we look skeptically at the need for growth: it threatens our self-satisfaction. We must not look up to others, because we can't consider ourselves any less. We must not give ourselves constructively critical evaluation, because we must believe we deserve life's rewards just as we are. Preoccupied with the self's status quo, we eschew growth and therefore forfeit progress toward eternal life. Peace doesn't come. Insecurity remains." (page 16)

Yeah, yeah, it makes perfect sense now. What was I thinking?! I kind of feel like I've wasted a day in preparation, but I've also had some great conversations on the subject. So, it is what it is. The question was brought up as to what the author meant by "look up to others". What do you think? I was thinking it was referring to admiring others. If you admire someone else that means they can be better than you and, by the world's definition, that would lower your self-esteem. Admiring someone should be a good thing (provided it is a righteous quality), and we should always be trying to improve ourselves to become more like God. The quote above is a little confusing since she has used the negative before what we really should be doing. Make sense?

Here's a couple more quotes from C.S. Lewis that I liked on the subject. (I'm really going to have to read his book Mere Christianity someday.)

"If you really get into any kind of touch with Him you will, in fact, be humble- delightedly humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life. He is trying to make you humble in order to make this moment possible." (pg 114)

and what's the opposite of humility? Pride...

"As long as you are proud, you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you." (pg 111)

I suppose, if you don't like the idea of giving up your self-esteem, you can use the word pride instead. It is my understanding that Sister Rasband is using the word self-esteem like many people use the word pride.

Thanks for all your input thus far! Keep it coming.

Your Thoughts, PLEASE...

I'm trying to prepare a lesson and came upon the following thoughts on self-esteem...

• In the 20th Century having self-esteem has become a right and given preeminence. We are told that we must feel or believe that we are valuable, not that what we do must be of value. You can feel your inadequacies deep inside, but in today’s world don’t acknowledge them.

• “When we believe we must feel worthy in and of ourselves to think well of ourselves, we look skeptically at the need for growth: it threatens our self-satisfaction. We must not look up to others, because we can’t consider ourselves any less. We must not give ourselves constructively critical evaluation, because we must believe we deserve life’s rewards just as we are” (pg 16)

• If we look at the Christian paradox, we must lose ourselves to find ourselves, there really is no room for self-esteem. Is there?

Two Seconds Is Too Long

I had a nightmare that Payton drowned. Not like in a pool or a lake or anything like that. Not like a fluke accident. It was nothing but 2 seconds of water running while I leaned over to search for something I dropped on the ground. The exact situation could never happen the way I dreamed it, especially because he was an infant in the dream, but the reality of 2 seconds has really hit home. And the feeling of complete helplessness as I was trying to perform CPR on an infant whose lungs had already filled with water will probably never leave me.

Anyway... watch your kids around water! Bathtub, swimming pool, kiddie pool, 5 gallon water pail, dog dish... YIKES! I don't want to know anyone that loses a child in this manner.

"You can not control your feelings or emotions. You can control your behavior"

-Becky Sauer (counselor extraodinaire)

For All My Nonconformist Friends

"Here are a few characteristics of people who lead healthy, nonconformist lives: they speak their minds; they do a lot of experimenting; they say no to others occasionally in order to say yes to themselves; they are forever learning. Regardless of their age, such people live on the edge of new knowledge, new fields, and new discoveries. They spend time with people who encourage their nonconformity.

It is a rare gift to find people who are loyal and give you space to be yourself. But you learn to value them highly and to give them the same space they give you.l They are always creating something and often stay off the beaten path. They like to be with children and think less about people's opinions while being more spontaneous. They often have dynamic, interesting personalities, resisting conformity and developing some small eccentricities as part of their journey to independence and self-confidence."

-Lynn M. Griesemer

I don't really have much commentary on this quote here, it just really spoke to me. I like to know people that fit this description. These are the interesting people in the world. They aren't the crazy, off the wall people trying to make a stand and shouting at the world. They are the quiet people that are just doing their thing and making a difference in their own life and the lives of the people that take the time to get to know them. I'm not really a nonconformist (yet?!), but a lot of the qualities listed there are things I would like to become. I also don't think that just because you happen to agree with and do many of the main stream things in life that you are conforming to society's rules. But, then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe that's the conformist in me talking. And then again again, maybe there are different levels of nonconformists and/or different types of ways that you can be an nonconformist.

For All My Crack Pot Friends!

An elderly Chinese woman had 2 pots that hung on either end of a pole that she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to her house, the cracked pot would arrive only half full.

For a full 2 years this went on, with the woman bringing home only 1 and 1/2 pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of it's accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of it's imperfections, and miserable that it could only do half of what it was intended to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted some flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.

For 2 years I have been able to pick these flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw...

But it's the cracks and flaws that each of us have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for who they are and look for the good in them.

To all of my crack pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!