Well, DUH!

Most people know about and have had many "Ah-ha" moments in their lives. That would be the moment that you find a solution to a problem that has been plaguing you. Maybe it's something simple, maybe it comes after contemplation, maybe you are just plain brilliant. Well, I seem to have more of what I would call, "well, DUH!" moments. Those would be the moments when I realize how stupid I have been or ask myself, "why didn't I think of that?" It's the moment when I really think about how qualified I am to be a parent, vote, or even drive a car. My only refuge is that I've seen a LOT of people do a LOT stupider things than I have. (Like the really skinny ASU professor that bought a 90 lb bag of concrete and proceeded to load it onto his bike to take it home. I laughed hysterically as he tipped over at least a dozen times before he got out of the parking lot. Well, DUH!)

My latest DUH moment occurred just over a week ago. You see, I have been hanging my clothes outside for a couple of months now and as much as I enjoy it, my clothesline makes me crazy! Or at least, it used to. The forty feet of plastic line just keeps getting longer and longer as it stretches and sags. I would strategically place long pants at the highest points on the ends and let Tasha hang socks and wears in the middle. Yes, it was low enough that my 4 year old could reach, without a stool. I totally annoyed me (especially when unstable lady was yelling at her imaginary friends), but I dealt with it because it is so beautiful outside and my clothes smell so fresh. Then it happened. I went to the Sauer's house and they had 40 feet of jeans hanging on the same stupid retractable plastic line....with 2 support poles! Well, DUH! Prop the dumb line up in the middle! They used a couple of PVC pipes that come down with the line, but here is my version: :
I have many DUH moments when it comes to the computer. Stupid stuff, like not paying attention to the shortcuts written right next to the command I am surfing for. Even stupid-er things like insisting on typing the www. at the beginning of a web address. Yes, I've stopped this and Bill caught me not doing it. I think he felt a surge of power and influence over me and silently gloated for the rest of the night. I'm sure that any computer literate person would really go crazy watching me do things the way I do. I know words like toolbar, dashboard, link, browser, etc. but I really don't know what they are. Please don't ask me to use them in a sentence! I'm pretty sure I would even flunk a multiple choice test on this subject.

Music is another area that really brings out the DUH in me. I'm going to chalk this one up to the fact that I'm a simple listener with simple taste, and NOT a dirty mind. I don't always listen to the lyrics, especially if it's a guy singing with a good voice or if there is a catchy phrase that is fun to sing along to. Unfortunately for me, most of these songs are from the classic rock era. That would be the era of songs that Bill knows all the words to and I can't understand any of the words to. Here are a few songs I still enjoy, even though he has enlightened me on their meaning and/or lyrics:

YMCA ( well DUH! Young men singing about young men)
Roxanne ("you don't have to put out the red light", like I had any idea what a red light was in reference to)

Grease, the whole soundtrack and movie (DUH, the whole thing is about sex and getting some, but they are just such a fun group of kids. For goodness sake, my high school put on this musical during my Junior year. What were they thinking?!)

Who Are You (by The Who. I don't care about the words you can't understand, it makes a great theme song for CSI)

Oh, I know there are plenty of others out there but I think I've embarrassed myself enough. Except for the split second where someone says something sarcastic in a serious tone (JAYLEE) and I am gullible enough to believe them. That is, until the ridiculousness of the statement sinks in, I chuckle, and say to myself, "well, DUH!" Sometimes it is quick enough that I can fake off the fact that I ever believed it, but other times I think the person must really think I'm a dork. Oh well, at least I know there is plenty of wheat stored under the BYU football field to (music playing) "feed the wor-orld," (arms swaying back and forth) "let them know it's Christmastime".

So there you have it, I'm a dork. But the fact that you read all the way through this post tells me one of two things: 1) I'm a dork that can write fairly well, or 2) you're an even bigger dork than I am. At least I "man-up" to my dork-dumb and don't try to hide from it.