Monday, December 1, 2008

Nervous Energy

I have a lot of nervous energy lately and I think it's because I've quit sugar. Yep, entirely given up the white granulated goodness that makes all those luscious treats that we will be making during this time of year. It wasn't premeditated, it just sort of happened. This is so clearly unlike me because I always want something sweet after something salty, but I'm going with it since I don't crave it at all. Tempt me, I dare ya!

So what do I do with all this nervous energy? I need to direct it for the good because I'm worried that it is manifesting itself in odd ways. You know, like obnoxious ways that seem to be out of my control. I can't sit still and do nothing so if I have nothing in my hands to do or hold, I will chat it up with my neighbor and be completely inappropriate. Like today at choir. I'm going to oust myself because I feel bad for being so disruptive. Nobody was making any decisions and I could hardly follow the music or figure out the tempo, and all the people that were totally lost wouldn't admit it and were not speaking up, and it was like 30+ minutes into our practice. I wasn't really frustrated at all (which is unlike me), I just wanted to sing something I could sing. So, me and my big mouth requested singing Angels We Have Heard on High to warm up. (Yes, warm up halfway through practice.) Aah, that was so nice. I can sing. It really boosted my ego and I said so. It was followed by a familiar line that I picked up from Crystal, "It's all about me you know?!" I've never said that before, never even thought that to my recollection, but it was so absolutely true today. I think this admission was followed by a bunch of slams at my expense but I don't really remember. This nervous energy is affecting my attention and memory as well.

What is wrong with me?! This is completely irreverent behavior for a ward choir member, especially while sitting in the chapel, especially when it's the first time that this poor brother has ever met this bunch of misfit choir members. I don't know, maybe it wasn't as bad as it seems now, but maybe it was. Monique, any thoughts?

Another way this energy has taken it's toll has been in early Christmas fun. On Thanksgiving morning/afternoon I cleaned and rearranged the living room (several times) to get ready to put up the Christmas tree. What the heck?! Thanksgiving is a time of rest, porking out on yummy goodness, watching a parade, and then napping while stupid football is on. Friday was spent at my mom's playing in the snow and raking pine needles. Again I ask, what the heck? I'm always exhausted when I make it to my mom's house and almost always take a nap once I get there. I even had a baby I could have used as an excuse to cuddle and lay down with, but I couldn't sit still. Saturday I was practically bouncing out of the seat at the temple, went shopping, and then came home to put the lights on our Christmas tree. If you haven't read Bill's version of my lighting of the tree maybe that will shed some light (no pun intended) on what's really going on at our house.

I guess the toughest thing is the sitting still part. Something has to be moving. I seem fine if I'm typing away like I am now. (I don't know if I'm making sense or not, but the nerves seem a little better) I'm good if I'm talking, but that's not always a good thing (see above example). If my mind is churning I seem to be able to concentrate. (I can read my scriptures and understand them, and have gotten through another few chapters in the vampire series) But what about rest?! Shouldn't I need to sleep? When is it all going to come crashing down?! Seriously, I sleep 3-5 hours a night and then I have to get up before I wake Bill, the dog, or the kids up. I think I've taken 2 naps in the 2 weeks that I've been keeping this pace, and both of them were more for Tasha's sake than mine. (I stayed next to her on the bed and read after I woke up and wanted her to stay asleep)

I've been awake since 2:30ish and am running out of quiet things to do. Maybe I'll go finish my advent calendar since today is the first of December. YIKES!


Crystal said...

May I suggest a liver cleanse? You probably are going through sugar withdrawals and a liver cleanse may get all of it out sooner for you. Also, feel free to join Marie and myself for hiking on Tuesdays and Thursdays to get some more of that energy out.

FizixMamma said...

So how will you make holiday goodies if you have quit sugar?

btg said...

she never said she was not going to MAKE them, just not eat them...let's not get crazy!

H said...

Carol, Bill is right. (Did I really just say that?!) I'll probably bake with the kids but fortunately I have no desire to eat it. Yeah for me!

Tori said...

How do you not crave sugar? It seems like you have reined in a bit of the nervous energy, or maybe redirected it?

FizixMamma said...

What about brown sugar, have you quit that too? Or you can use honey. I can tell you how to sub honey for the sugar if you like.

H said...

Tori, I have NO idea why I don't crave the sugar. It must be divine intervention.

Carol, seriously, I don't want it so there is no need for substitutions. Weird, I know.

I did finally have my piece of blackberry pie today and it was delish. I didn't need any more than the one piece I was given though. I also baked a bunch of cookies for school this evening and didn't even lick the beaters. What kind of nut am I?! Isn't there a rule that you have to lick the beaters, the bowl, and your fingers several times?! I'm a baking sinner, I know!