Friday, September 12, 2008

A Garden and Her Girl, Chapter 1: The Beginning

To C.S. Lewis: I pray thee, Mr. Lewis, that thou wilt lend me the honor of borrowing not only your writing style, but also many of your exact words. It is in your great honor that I came to find the time in the garden a time well spent engaging my family in manual labor so that I can lend finger to keyboard to record this for future generations. Thank you Mr. Lewis for bringing my love of writing into the dredded world of gardening!
Also to April and Crystal, in no particular order (but maybe alphabetical), to whom I owe an overwhelming gratitude in so many areas that I can not begin to describe here in a dedication.

Once there were four siblings (or sibling-in-laws) whose names were Crystal, April, Jared, and Ryan, and it has been told on another blog that they had a remarkable garden. And it was during this time in which the siblings (or sibling-in-laws) lived together that they did delight in working together on a great many things and did become Kings and Queens of the garden on a street called Greenway. But this is a story to be told by the Kings and Queens, for this is not the story I wish to tell.

My story begins 3 seasons ago when Queen Crystal (long may she garden) imparted her wisdom and experience on a very inquisitive group of noblemen (and women of course, but we are not writing in the era of political correctness). These noblemen (and women) learned a great many things from Queen Crystal (long may she garden), one of them being Princess H. Princess H desired with all of her heart to follow the teachings of this outstanding and righteous Queen, but she did lack the green thumb required to take on such a task. It was then and there that Princess H did, however, decide to start her very own compost bin and create what would later become the foundation of her dream. Three long years Princess H did compost. And for three long years she saved the earth from rotting vegetable and fruit peels tied up in plastic bags never to be seen again, but to be smelled to the ends of the earth in overflowing dumps scattered from here to the farthest reaches of the oceans.

At the time Princess H did not know the good she was doing, but it was the good Queen April and King Ryan (long may they save) that did impress upon her the need we all have to take care of this beautiful land that we have been give. Not one, but both of them have one mind in this matter, and it is said in not so many words this way, "This land. This land that we live in that has been given to us by our God. It is this land that we must take care of and cherish and till. By throwing your garbage into a landfill we are polluting this great earth of ours. It is the people of this earth, the ones who live in this very day and age, that take away all that our children stand to inherit." Now those of you that have heard tale of Queen April and King Ryan (long may they save) know that these are not the exact words that they would have used. In fact, had it been King Ryan speaking, he would have stopped several times to spit something from his mouth, and Queen April would have stood close by rolling her eyes like any good woman would do when her husband was off on one of his rants. At any rate, Queen April did agree with King Ryan on this stance to save the earth, and King Ryan would have said these words if he was more eloquent in his speech, but alas, he is not.

It was after this manner of composting that Princess H did continue for many years. At times, her husband, Prince Wilhelm, did stake out a place for her to plant a garden, but that was done to much avail. Princess H was fearful of undertaking such a project. It was not for many years and a few failed attempts that we come to the point in the story that I wish to begin...


Monique said...

LOVE IT! Absolutely love it! :)

Can't wait to read chapter 2.

FizixMamma said...

What a riot! LOLx100! You absolutely have to keep telling the story in this fashion. I love it.

April said...

Princess H,
Had Aslan been here, he could have told thee how we were meant to meet together over dinners of beans and avocadoes and such, as King Ryan despises (Long may he save). Yet, we did not know that our friendliness would grow into such a blooming state of friendship, intelectual eloquence and big butt speak refering to our overabundance of castle storage. We did not forsee the depths of our connection, nor the connections of Queen Crystal (long may she garden), but we did admire each other as noblemen and shared our opinions, lit-tritch-tchur, and joyous laughter over mushrooms, olives, and other such deliciuos foods, which King Ryan (long may he save) is disgusted by. I also believe Aslan would have told you of the dreams and prayers that Queen Crystal had dreamed about a grand friend, but alas, that is not your tale. It is her tale and one that is not for you to hear.
Fair the well, Princess H.
May thee flourish thy pen verbosely and dexteriously across thy screens of electrical beauty until the reign of the blogosphere has ended.
Queen April

Crystal said...

That's hilarious! I love your story of the 4 of us as 4 kings and queens.

btg said...

Queen April,

I don't get anything you just said, you all are nuts!

H said...

Oh fair maidens, I delight in the fact that ye respond with such high reguards to the tale in which I tell. Pray thee, be patient for such words come slowly and said garden needs tilling. Know this, by word and deed, chapter 2 introduces you to the land in which we garden and presents the first challenge in our adventure, but chapter 3 is much like the dredge across the desert that was undertaken by Sashta and his horse. Although not the most interesting read, it is clearly a necessary step to reach Narnia, and also a most trecherous deed. I will try to fill the gaps (and thus keep thine eyes open without drowsiness) with tale of the wild beasts and talking animals of this land called 17th place.

And fairest of all Queen April, pray thee I may find my pen without ink in reguards to thy words because although it is quite easy to condem thine husband with his atrocious speech, I know that thee speaks without the slightest of tongue. I may beseech thee to lend thine exact words to mine own story if the time comes that thy lessons are befitting. Without tredding on thy tale, which is the tale for thee to hear, I would be honored if thy Majesty would lend me thine assistance. For thine words are so fine and beautiful that when referred to in the singular tense (as opposed to plural with thine husband King Ryan) I must add my gratitude to thine words by saying Queen April (long may she write).

I bid thee all farewell and a very merry goodnight as I submerge myself in a the duel of King Peter and Miraz this final hour.

btg said...

WHAT ?????

H said...

Oh wise King Jared (long may he teach) informed me that the title of my story was wrong. Humph, it's my story! But he's right. CLEARLY I'm a slave to the garden and the garden has everything to teach me. Therefore, I have changed the name to A Garden and Her Girl. Is anyone else annoyed that he is always right? (except that he doesn't know what orzo is!)

April said...

Eh, hem, Jared is not always right, however, he is good at always speaking confidently enough that we believe he is right. I know this because sometimes he is wrong and I am right! But if you asked him if this were true, he would convince you that it is not. Crap!

April said...

Prince Wilhelm,
Pick thee up a book about a sacred Lion Aslan and readeth it and it will help thee out tremendously.
Queen April

btg said...

Queen April,

I tarry hard on my future studies in Human Resources for my tutor requireth much reading for my class which starts in a fourtnight. Between my dutious labors owed to Princess H and what little time I have to devote to the aires of the garden, I find myself lacking in the time necessary needed to understand the life and tribulations of the sacred lion Aslan.

P.S. Any spare time found has been used to cover the happenings of the latest Quidditch season...