For some of us stuck in town this Spring Break, it was decided to have an end-of-the-break-what-the-heck-am-I-going-to-do-this-summer-because-I-nearly-lost-my-mind-in-a-week potluck. Sorry if you got missed, don't take it personally, half the ward seemed to be in San Diego this past week and we're not boo-hooing about it.
Right before we bless the dinner...
Ryan : (loudly from the other side of the room) H, shush!
(Me, astonished because everyone was blabbing away and not paying any attention to him, shuts up. Clint prays and people dig in. Ryan works his way over to me for some lame apology of sorts.)
Ryan: Sorry about that, I just needed to get every one's attention.
Me: Great, and I get to be the scapegoat?
April: You know, she was the one helping me while you were in the shower.
Me: Ya-ah-ah!
(Good comeback, no?!)
Do we really need to continue a discussion of my sleep patterns?
Jared: 4:30, really H?!
Me: What are you talking about?
Jared: The email you sent was at 4:30 this morning.
Me: No it wasn't.
Jared: Crystal, wasn't it like 3 minutes 'til 5?
Me: (not waiting for the answer) Well, that clearly isn't 4:30 now is it? Plus it was just a one line reply to something, It's not like I had been up composing a letter or blog post or something.
Crystal: I'm going to track all the hours you sleep now.
Me: Why would you do that?
Crystal: I think you have Sauer genes, they don't need any sleep either.
(Well crud, if I have Sauer genes why can't I be skinny and charming too?!)
A discussion of Transformers, the movie, leads to this one...
Steve: What's not to like? (The man is obsessed, he has no objective view at all.)
Me: Car chases, big robots, lame stunts, you name it. Plus there is nobody to look at.
Steve: Don't you like action movies?
Me: Sure, some of them.
Steve: What does it take to get you interested?
Me: Hello? Have you not been paying attention?
(I turn to Ryan)
Me: What does a movie need to hold my attention?
Ryan: A hot guy.
Spicy brownies? What are those?
Friend: I've really been trying to cut sugar out of my diet. (as she eats a brownie)
Me: Oh really?
Friend: Yeah, I didn't make any cookie dough this week just to eat it.
Me: (Picking up on the last part of the statement) Did you make any cookie dough and bake it?
Friend: Yes.
Me: What is spicy about these brownies?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I don't either.
Friend: Oh wait, there it is.
(I never did feel the spice.)
Here's one about donating blood. Something these lame men can't seem to do...
Jared: They should really use (some technical term that I would never know but of course Jared does) to numb the area so you don't feel the initial poke.
Me: It's not the initial poke that is the problem.
Jared: What are you talking about?
(Imagine my right hand holding an imaginary needle and making jabbing motions into my left arm)
Me: It's when they don't hit the vein just right and they have to move it around in there to get the blood flowing.
Ryan (winces in pain and actually turns away)
At random times during the evening...
Random kid #1: Nuh-uh!
Random kid #2: Uh-huh!
Random kid #1: Nuh-uh!
Random kid #2: Uh-huh!
Random kid #1: Nuh-uh!
Random kid #2: Uh-huh!
Going green takes on a whole new meaning when you have to save food scraps for the chickens...
Me: Where do we put the chicken food?
Jaylee: There's a plate on the counter in there.
Me: I don't see it, is it empty?
Jaylee: Yes.
(Time goes by and more people are looking for the chicken dump plate that seems to keep disappearing, probably because someone keeps dumping it into the trash. Steve walks in with random, uneaten yet probably still good for the chickens food on his plate)
Steve: (looking around for the plate that is missing) Now where do I put this?
Me: Why don't you go put it in the empty KFC chicken bucket over there?
Jaylee: Oh, that's a good idea.
Isn't there something just a little sadistic about putting leftover, unwanted food for your pet chickens into a bucket that once held an ancestor of theirs that had been born and raised under cruel and unusual circumstances?
An alternative to the random conversation...
Random kid #1: Uh-huh!
Random kid #2: Nuh-uh!
Random kid #1: Uh-huh!
Random kid #2: Nuh-uh!
Random kid #1: Uh-huh!
Random kid #2: Nuh-uh!
And now, since, upon rereading this post, I seemed to have picked on Ryan a little too much...
Me: Ryan, distract me while he digs this splinter out of my hand.
Ryan: (blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... I don't really know what he was saying because it was now my turn to wince in pain)
Hm, that didn't really turn out the way I wanted it to. That was supposed to make Ryan look good, but it turns out I wasn't really paying much attention to him. Actually, I was trying to focus on the potential for the blackberry bushes I want to plant taking over my whole side yard, but I was being poked by a pin and it didn't feel very good. At one point, I think Ryan even moved into my line of sight and started making exaggerated hand gestures to get me to stop thinking of the tweezers digging into my skin. He's a good guy, April should keep him.
Oh, and I almost forgot...
Me: Did you have fun talking with your friends tonight?
Bill: Yes. (a man of many words)
After a little digging...
Bill: Clint had the flu yesterday.
Me: Did you stay far enough away from him? I don't want that stuff around here.
Bill: Yeah, I didn't give him a kiss goodnight or anything.
3 comments:
I love your closer. Bill is so funny. Good recap too. I wish I would have heard more of those conversations but I was stupid enough to wear shorts and so I didn't want to be outside where it was too chilly for me.
Great post. I know that I will always get a great laugh when I read your blog. I wish you would send some warmth my way, so it would encourage the snow to melt.
So, since I'm with my kids all day every stinkin week, I think that means we should do one of these EVERY saturday!
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