Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Stubborn, who's Stubborn?

There is a long old story in this book about a man who is sick and won't listen to his wife who tells him to go see a doctor. (Sound familiar anyone?) He ends up with blood poisoning and almost dies, but is taking gigantic sulfa pills to get over it. He comments on an old saying which I've never heard before: (pg 205)

"A stubborn ass needs a stubborn driver."

Sounds like a good saying though, no? I'm just wondering which one I am. Both at times, I suppose. I didn't think I was that bad until lately. I've gotten 2 comments from people that I admire and they really stung. One said, "it doesn't matter what I want, you're going to do what you want to do anyway." Well, I didn't do what I wanted because of that awful comment. Then there was my mom. We were talking about an incident that happened maybe 20 years ago. She didn't even remember it but I did because it was fairly life-altering for me. She said something to me back then that made me make a certain choice because I felt she had more understanding of the situation than I did. My choice was not what I wanted and I still regret it to this day. This was my mom's comment last week, "I can't believe that you listened to me. You are such an independent thinker I would have thought you would have done what you wanted to despite what I said."

What?! Do people just say things to me and think I don't listen to them? I absorb and contemplate and sometimes rationalize everything that people say to me. Sure I'm still going to make my own decision, but puh-lease (!) I don't ignore the advice of people I love and people that love me. Alright, maybe sometimes I do, but not always. Maybe I am a stubborn ass. Crud.

I know with my kids I certainly can be a stubborn driver. But I think I'm getting better in that department as well. I've found it's much easier to work with your children and explain what needs to be done, rather than to (try to) force them to do something they don't understand. Also, if there comes I time when I really need them to just listen and do, they are a bit more responsive to my attitude. They go, do, and ask questions later. (Like at the park when I saw 2 cop cars pull up on either side and I told Tasha that we needed to go home. She listened without throwing a "I want to play more" fit and I explained it to her later.)

I think I'm going to go list in my journal all the things I've done that I haven't wanted to do but have because people have pushed me in that direction. I can think of at least 3 things already that were HUGE!!! (maybe 4) Maybe I just let people push me around when I was younger and now I've had enough. Hmm. Nope, now that I reread this, I can think of at least 5 things that contribute to who I am that I have done because of what other people have told me to do. No wonder I'm so stubborn now. Back off people! I had originally thought this post would be plea for people to tell me how un-asslike I was. Now I think I'm proud of the idea. Not really, but I don't want to be pushed around either. Hmm again.


April said...

You are very un-asslike. Believe me, I've known lots of asses and you are not one of them.

Crystal said...

I take what your mom said as a compliment. I would love for somebody to say that to me. Maybe I'm not understanding the context in which she said it. I may have to get more info on this background story. By the way, eeh ha, just kidding, you're not an ass at all.