Sometimes It Takes Tears

Kyra does what she is told. She pretty much always has. When she was young, if I told her to stop doing something, she would. If I asked her to do something, she would. If I was stressed out she would up her game and not stress me out as well.


Tasha is another story. She plays off my emotions, almost always being one step ahead of me. If she is anxious about something, I usually get anxious and hour or so later. If I'm upset, she gets upset too. When she can feel a situation getting tense, she starts acting out which just makes things worse.


Parenting is tough business, especially when your children are nothing alike. Just when you think you know something, another child comes along and challenges that knowledge. Geez. What I have discovered is that tears seem to work with both of these girls. Not their tears, mine. Honest to goodness, sincere tears from me seems to help them understand my point of view and become repentant. I can only recall 3 times that it has happened...

1. The girls had been at each other's throats for days and I had tried everything to get them to cooperate, etc. I finally just quit trying, went back to the laundry room, shut the door, screamed and then started crying. Kyra came and found me, put her arms around me and calmed me down. She really stepped it a few notches for a while after that.


2. Tasha used to refuse to hold my hand in the parking lot. That freaks me out because she's shorter than many vehicles and she could easily get backed into. Then there's also the problem of her just running off and getting hit. She must have been about 3 years old when I broke down right there in a parking lot. I cried and cried and told her I just didn't want her to get hit by a car. She put her sweet little 3 year old arms around me and hugged me. She never again pulled her hand away from me or refused to hold hands with her sister. It stuck, to this day.


3. Tasha likes to play outside in the front yard. That's fine with me as long as she stays in the big yard and doesn't go over to the little side yard and around the side of the house by the park where I can't see her. There are crazies over there and anyone could just take her. I've told her this many times. I've yelled it many times. I've sent her to her room, taken away play time, refused to let her go outside because she continues to do it. You can tell when you're talking to your kid that they are just listening to the words without absorbing them and taking them to heart. This happened Saturday afternoon and I lost it. I yelled and threw her into her room, steamed on my own for a little while, then pulled her out of her room and told her to go back outside and do whatever she wanted. She finally stopped crying and came inside. I told her we could pack a bag with some clothes and food in it and she could keep it on the side of the house so when someone came and took her she would have some of her own things with her. Tasha didn't like that plan but still nothing on that little 5 year old face. I kept talking and finally ended up in tears telling her how much I would miss her if she was gone and I really didn't want that to happen. I was so upset that I had to go outside to calm down before I went into her room. She had written my name on her chalkboard and put about 10 hearts around it. She came over and hugged me. We told each other that we loved each other and that we wanted to stay together forever.


Ugh. I'm exhausted. Maybe I should go read that parenting book...