In honor of her THIRTIETH birthday, here are 30 great things/traits/characteristics about Monique, in no particular order. Please feel free to add anything I've missed in the comment section.

1. Supermom!


2. Great teacher


3. Organized


4. OCD, in a good way


5. Intelligent


6. Thrifty


7. Lover of her family


8. Recycler! She's green baby.


9. Well read


10. Interesting


11. Food storage guru


12. A gardener


13. A chicken farmer


14. Patient


15. Excellent Achievement Day Leader


16. Caring


17. Very compassionate for children


18. Cute pregnant person


19. Excellent cook


20. Fabulous baker (have you tried her cheesecake?)


21. Lover of brownies


22. Believer


23. Trustworthy


24. Follower of Christ


25. Good friend


26. Great painter/decorator


27. Hair stylist/cutter
28. Blogger (DUH!)
29. Long-distance friend keeper (which is harder that it seems!)
30. and, last but not least... drum roll please... and I mean this with all kindness and respect for true talent and use of her OCD qualities... Monique is a fantastic "nit-picker"!!! Nothing will bring you closer to her than hours spent with your neck in anguish as she carefully, considerately, and very thoroughly searches your head for nits!

I love you Mo for all these wonderful qualities and more! Thanks for your friendship and all the good chats. Thanks for loving my daughter and making her 8-12 year old years a blessing. Thanks for being a great example of a wife and mother, one that I try to emulate from time to time (because I can't keep up the rest of the time!). I feel very fortunate that our children and the church brought us together.

Happy Birthday Mo!

All I Know About the Economy

Bill emailed me this article on Ten American Companies that Won't Cut Jobs. And I quote:

"Apollo (APOL) is a large education company almost no one has heard of. The firm has a stock market value of $12 billion and had sales of $970 million last quarter. Its operating profit on that was $307 million, so the company has obscene margins. In the last year, Apollo's shares were up almost 30%. While Apollo may not be well-known, it largest division, the University of Phoenix, is well known because it is the largest private university in the country. As people find that they need new skills to find work, Apollo is in a position to take advantage of a drop in the economy and rise in unemployment. "

I imagine we should feel very fortunate about now. We're also lucky that he's gotten a 12% raise over the past year. As Bill says, "that's not bad for a recession". I guess we'll count our blessings instead of complaining about some of the insignificant things. A job is a job right now and I'm thrilled that my husband has one. Thanks babe for having a job, going to your job, keeping your job, and supporting our family.

Elvis is in the building

I have been in many a lively online discussion about Waldorf schools as of late. I would like to say that I am full of infinite wisdom on the subject, but I'm just not. My daughter Kyra just started attending Desert Marigold, a Waldorf "inspired" school, this year (DMS is "inspired" because they don't make us pay tuition and therefore don't have the complete Waldorf stamp. Yipee for no ginormous tuition!). I've been hesitant to throw myself into the school community, just because I need a break from being super involved and I want her to get her own sense of who she is. This was a big deal for her this year. She had been at one school, with one class for 5 years and I could not have asked for a better beginning. But I digress, back to my Waldorfness.

I think I have come up with some randomly brilliant answers to some questions and concerns that have been raised about Waldorf schools and Waldorf philosophy. It must be my alter ego playing out or something like lack of sleep makes me smarter, especially since one of my replies was done at 1 in the morning. I feel a bit like Elvis: fabulous right now, but it won't last. Hopefully my momentarily brilliant legacy will follow me beyond the grave. Here goes...

A question was raised at the DMS open house: "What does the school do about gifted kids or kids who are struggling? (They didn't quite know how to answer her.) She then clarified and said 'well, what do you do with a kid in kindergarten or 1st grade who can already read?'" This is an excellent question and one that most parents want answered. It is also a question that Waldorfy people won't comment on because they don't label kids as gifted or challenged. Here's my answer: As far as the reader in Kindergarten... that's a mute point. They won't be doing any reading in Kindergarten so there is no way that they would need to be challenged in that area. The challenge will be in storytelling and memory recall. When they start learning letters in 1st grade it is done through art. So again, the challenge will be in art, not the knowledge of the letters which a child may already know. Numbers are done through chants, rhythms and rhymes. The challenges for "gifted" students might very well be in the artistic medium that the factual knowledge is being presented in.

OK, that wasn't as brilliant as I thought it was but I'm going to keep it in because it touches a little on the reading. I could (and probably should) do an entire post on the reading. Maybe later. Last night Rachel sent me this link:

Gnomes and Critics of Waldorf Schools

I must have been in a bizarro funk last night because I didn't get upset at the stupidity of the article, nor did I feel like I had to blast the author. I actually got a "yowsa" and a "that's the most amazing response ever" from 2 pretty amazing women that I respect. So now I'm glowing, bragging, and posting it for the world. (Seriously though, my head has become less and less inflated as I have typed words like "bizarro", "ginormous", and "Waldorfy". Clearly I've lost my Elvisness.)

Here are my thoughts from the article (Italics are quotes from the article, the rest is me):

“How many parents even know that Waldorf teachers study Steiner’s occultism in order to teach at a Waldorf?” Well, I think any parent that has seriously looked into Waldorf education understands that it is based on Steiner's teachings. I wouldn't call his teachings "occultism", but yes, any teacher at a Waldorf school would be very well versed in his views on child development and education. Waldorf schools follow what Steiner created as the best teaching model for children.

“I’ve encountered a claim once that Steiner’s writings are troubling...I examined it, and found the concern to be without merit.” Are some of the things that Steiner suggest outdated? Yes, I think they are and I think that the way people thought back then is drastically different than we think now in our politically correct society. He wrote and lectured in 1904. I am impressed with how much he knew at the time and how very accurate he is when looking at child development, but of course his language is going to be off because his teachings are over a hundred years old! I would say that his philosophies on teaching in the classroom could and should hold up, even in this modern day. The things that are lacking in Waldorf schools are things that can and should be supplemented at home (i.e. computer technology).

Another aspect of the Waldorf approach is its rejection of traditional medicine in favour of the Anthroposophical herbal remedies that are often sold in the schools. I think a lot of people these days are shying away from traditional medicine, but that isn't really my point. The more you involve a teacher in your child's ailments, the more input and influence they will have on how you treat your child. Some parents are going to turn to the Waldorf teacher for their Anthroposophical wisdom, but others are going to treat their child on their own. It is just like any other school, how much influence the teachers and staff have on your child is exactly how much you give them.

While Waldorf supporters see delayed reading as a positive step in a child’s development; others are not as impressed. As a reading teacher, I could go on and on on this subject, but I won't. I can say that Sweden doesn't start teaching reading until age 8 and their country is full of bright people, with a very low illiteracy rate. I can say that many students are not ready to learn to read until age 8, while others are completely competent by 3 or 4. What do you want a school to do, teach to the younger crowd and leave the rest to fend for themselves, or wait until everyone is ready? I will say that the way in which Waldorf teaches the early letters and numbers encourages the "bright" student (or the one that may already know these things) to use senses that might not be as fine tuned as their rote memory is. (i.e. while learning the letter "m", students will create a picture of a mountain with the 2 bumps of the letter. They use paint as a medium and skills that are often less fine-tuned in a child that reads and writes at a young age.) I see delayed reading and writing, with the inclusion of artistic, musical, and rhythmic expression to be an advantage to any student.

As far as the school is concerned, I don't know anything about alchemy, secret societies (they must be really secret!), or reincarnation. Eurythmy is beautiful. If their hand gestures are speaking to another spirit world, I imagine they are saying something nice, because it is very peaceful and calm during their performances and no lightning has ever struck that I know of. OK, I'm getting a little sarcastic here now so I better quit. I will say that I have had a few concerns about some of the celebrations that they hold, but nothing drastic. I would just say that sometimes it feels like they have replaced God the Father with Mother Nature and that is more sad to me than upsetting. No worries from my end.

Good luck to your friend in her school search. I would encourage her to visit the schools she looks into and go more by how she feels than anything else. I knew, and my fifth grade daughter knew, when we drove onto Desert Marigold campus that this was the right place for her. Ten years earlier I had been convinced that a Montessori school was right for her, until I toured the school and met her teacher. (I found a different school for her for K-4) I really believe that you can know what is right for your child, and it might even be different for each of your children.

Another 1,000 Sun Post

This book does have a lot of horrible things that happen in it. The following is a little bit of that. Mariam was promised to Rasheed when she was 15. He was around 40-45. This happens about 20 years after their marriage. Jalil is Mariam's father, whom she never lived with. He visited her once a week for most her life. (pgs 346-7)

"Mariam lost count of how many times the belt cracked, how many pleading words she cried out to Rasheed, how many times she circled around the incoherent tangle of teeth and fists and belt, before she saw fingers clawing at Rasheed's face, chipped nails digging into his jowls and pulling at his hair and scratching his forehead. How long before she realized, with both shock and relish, that the fingers were hers...

At first, he looked at her without seeing her, then his eyes narrowed, appraised Mariam with interest. The look in them shifted from puzzlement to shock, then disapproval, disappointment even, lingering there a moment.

Mariam remembered the first time she had seen his eyes, under the wedding veil, in the mirror, with Jalil lookng on, how their gazes had slid across the glass and met, his indifferent, hers docile, conceding, almost apologetic.

Apologetic.

Mariam saw now in those same eyes what a fool she had been.

Had she been a deceitful wife? she asked herself. A complacent wife? A dishonorable woman? Discreditable? Vulgar? What harmful thing had she willfully done to this man to warrant his malice, his continual assaults, the relish with which he tormented her? Had she not looked after him when he was ill? Fed him, and his friends, cleaned up after him dutifully?

Had she not given this man her youth?

Had she ever justly deserved his meanness?

The belt made a thump when Rasheed dropped it to the ground and came for her. Some jobs, that thump said, were meant to be done with bare hands."

(and from page 364...) Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. You remember that, Mariam.

I don't have any good comments for this one. Just that I'm lucky to have found a man very unlike this man. One that does not have an accusing finger, or even an accusing mouth for that matter. I'm a lucky woman in many ways.

Tremors

At one point in the book Laila and her daughter Aziza were separated. Because of the stresses in her life, Aziza began to stutter. Aziza did not talk about the difficulties of her life, but preferred to talk about other things she was learning. She talked at length about the subjects she was being schooled on and at one point was talking about something similar to earthquakes. Basically, Aziza was saying that when we feel tremors on the earth there is usually a lot more going on underneath the surface. This is quite an analogy coming from this fabulous author (pgs 324,325,327):

"Aziza stammered now. Mariam noticed it first. It was subtle but perceptible, and more pronounced with words that began with t...

(Laila) thought of Aziza's stutter, and of what Aziza had said earlier about fractures and powerful collisions deep down and how sometimes all we see on the surface is a slight tremor."

This situation reminds me that, as mothers, we have to be constantly aware of what is going on with our children. They are so precious and delicate and have been given to us to care for in this life. What a responsibility! We need to be on the lookout for the "tremors" that come up in their lives and try to be aware of situations that are causing them discomfort or stress. It is sometimes difficult to find the root of a problem, but I am often amazed at the simplicity of the root when I find it. I'm not saying my children have simple problems, especially not in their eyes, I'm just saying that at age 4 and 10 they don't have as much baggage to draw from and therefore are not as complicated as adults are. I love that Kyra's teacher is so very in tune with some of the things going on in her life and that she is usually aware of a situation if I bring it up. This has been true of 4 of her 7 teachers thus far in her schooling and I feel very blessed to have such caring educators on my side. I'm also grateful that Bill is the type of father that can sit down and have a heart to heart with his daughters without it being weird. I adore him for this quality and know that his daughters will go to him for comfort when they need it.

I'm not the most thoughtful, sensitive, and talkative mom at all times. I think this is a reflection of how I was raised and how my mom was raised. I don't remember any touchy-feely moments with my grandmother at all, she was all business. I loved her for all she did and taught me and she was always busy. My mom is super sensitive and emotional and that always bugged me as a child, and young adult. Maybe I overcompensate to not be like my mom, maybe I am just genetically built to be like my grandmother, I don't know. I am trying to find a happy sensitive medium though. I know my limitations, when I have no compassion for a situation, and I try to let my family know that the subject is something to discuss later and really do try to get back to it when I can look at it objectively and sympathetically. If I don't do that I end up saying something like, "get over it" or simply insinuating that their feelings are an overreaction. I always feel bad about this and end up apologizing, but that doesn't make up for the lack of empathy they feel from me. I guess I'm a work in progress.

Love and Hope, 2 Beautiful Flowers

This is a long quote, but worth the read I think. You really get a feel for Hosseini's writing style here. He's good. (pgs 255-256)

"Seasons had come and gone; presidents in Kabul had been inaugurated and murdered; an empire had been defeated; old wars had ended and new ones had broken out. But Mariam had hardly noticed, harldy cared. She had passed these years in a distant corner of her mind. A dry, barren field, out beyond wish and lament, beyond dream and disillusionment. There, the future did not matter. And the past held only this wisdom: that love was a damaging mistake, and its accomplice, hope, a treacherous illusion. And whenever those twin poisonous flowers began to sprout in the parched land of that field, Mariam uprooted them. She uprooted them and ditched them before they took hold...


The years had not been kind to Mariam. But perhaps, she thought, there were kinder years waiting still. A new life, a life in which she would find the blessings that Nana had said a harami like her would never see. Two new flowers had unexpectedly sprouted in her life, and she pictured (her former teacher) leaning in and whispering to her in his soft, tremulous voice, But it is God Who has planted them, Mariam jo. And it is His will that you tend to them. It is His will, my girl."

I find it sad that too many people view love and hope as an illusion. I find it even sadder that many people, like Mariam, uproot them when they do try to sprout. There are some people that I talk to and try to show an upside to that just abandon all hope and try to show me how the positive side of a situation just isn't possible. It's the classic "glass is half empty" scenario. People, I just can't live that way! If there is still water in the glass then dang it, there's hope! Don't talk to me about your sad life unless you're willing to see the positive as well. It's there, I promise. It's OK to gripe and complain about all the stupid stuff that happens in the day to day, but keep your eye on the big picture and you'll see the hope there.

I've been thinking a lot about love lately and reflecting on the crazy things it makes you do. Some of the things are good, some bad, and some just have consequences that we can't always judge the sanity of. I'm sure God created love in His image. He wants it to be a blessing in our lives and I'm certain that from the giving end all is well. But what about the receivers of that love? What happens when the love is not reciprocated, or worse yet, abused? How do we deal with the hurt that lies in the hearts of others and the problems we see developing from love given too freely? I know none of this makes sense without specific situations to reference them to, but maybe it will touch some one's heart in a positive way. I suppose I had some specific and non-specific thoughts in mind as I formulated those questions, but I assure you they were not directed at anyone in particular. It's just my mind running rampant again.

My final thought related to this quote is about the last paragraph. Mariam concludes that she really does have love and hope right in front of her and she clings to that. Not only does she see it, but she puts a face and a name to it. Although she pictures her teacher and his voice, it is the words of God where her faith really lie. God planted the seeds of love and hope in her life. He cares. He wants her to tend to them. His will be done.

Is faith in God the most important thing in this life? Is it that faith that is the key ingredient to developing and recognizing hope and love? "They say that those who have found love once are likely to find love again." This statement makes a lot more sense if you consider what it takes to develop faith. I'm sure you can find love without faith in God, but I bet it takes faith in something. My favorite thing about the above quote is that the line about God is from her teacher that preached out of the Koran. I love that God is God in many different languages, cultures, and religions. I think we all pray to, worship, and have faith in the same God, no matter where we are.

Stubborn, who's Stubborn?

There is a long old story in this book about a man who is sick and won't listen to his wife who tells him to go see a doctor. (Sound familiar anyone?) He ends up with blood poisoning and almost dies, but is taking gigantic sulfa pills to get over it. He comments on an old saying which I've never heard before: (pg 205)

"A stubborn ass needs a stubborn driver."

Sounds like a good saying though, no? I'm just wondering which one I am. Both at times, I suppose. I didn't think I was that bad until lately. I've gotten 2 comments from people that I admire and they really stung. One said, "it doesn't matter what I want, you're going to do what you want to do anyway." Well, I didn't do what I wanted because of that awful comment. Then there was my mom. We were talking about an incident that happened maybe 20 years ago. She didn't even remember it but I did because it was fairly life-altering for me. She said something to me back then that made me make a certain choice because I felt she had more understanding of the situation than I did. My choice was not what I wanted and I still regret it to this day. This was my mom's comment last week, "I can't believe that you listened to me. You are such an independent thinker I would have thought you would have done what you wanted to despite what I said."

What?! Do people just say things to me and think I don't listen to them? I absorb and contemplate and sometimes rationalize everything that people say to me. Sure I'm still going to make my own decision, but puh-lease (!) I don't ignore the advice of people I love and people that love me. Alright, maybe sometimes I do, but not always. Maybe I am a stubborn ass. Crud.

I know with my kids I certainly can be a stubborn driver. But I think I'm getting better in that department as well. I've found it's much easier to work with your children and explain what needs to be done, rather than to (try to) force them to do something they don't understand. Also, if there comes I time when I really need them to just listen and do, they are a bit more responsive to my attitude. They go, do, and ask questions later. (Like at the park when I saw 2 cop cars pull up on either side and I told Tasha that we needed to go home. She listened without throwing a "I want to play more" fit and I explained it to her later.)

I think I'm going to go list in my journal all the things I've done that I haven't wanted to do but have because people have pushed me in that direction. I can think of at least 3 things already that were HUGE!!! (maybe 4) Maybe I just let people push me around when I was younger and now I've had enough. Hmm. Nope, now that I reread this, I can think of at least 5 things that contribute to who I am that I have done because of what other people have told me to do. No wonder I'm so stubborn now. Back off people! I had originally thought this post would be plea for people to tell me how un-asslike I was. Now I think I'm proud of the idea. Not really, but I don't want to be pushed around either. Hmm again.