How To

Today I should have googled many "how to" articles and videos, including:

• How to remove vanilla scented lotion from carpet
• How to remove vanilla scented lotion from leather
• How to remove vanilla scented lotion from Bullseye, the plastic horsey
• How to save lunch after it's been dumped on the floor
• How to teach a toddler to make a pb&j sandwich
• How to read the directions on the dinner that takes 5 hours in a crock pot to prepare, before it is an hour until dinner (oops)

Instead, I watched a how to video on how to make avocado rolls. I can now make them, but I am deeply disappointed in humantiy. The girl on the video was annoying as all get-out, but very thorough. The comments were more about her appearance and asking her out than they were about the food she prepared. Don't concern yourself with the fact that she claimed her eggrolls were vegan and then smeared egg on the wrapper to seal them, go ahead, leave your number and contact information for all utube fans to view. Ugh.

And the video that I should have made:

"How to get age defying face moisturizer out of your son's hair" would have included a fit as I shoved his head under the shower head and would have ended in a nice soppy towel that he decided needed to be on the floor of the shower instead of hanging up.

If You think this is a Picture of Dessert, You're Wrong

The picture is actually of the clean counter, underneath the dessert. I finally have an island back! I haven't seen it since the beginning of the summer. How do I know this? We bought some bamboo at the end of last school year and set it in the middle of the island. That's the fatal mistake, we can't put ANYTHING on the island as a permanent resting place. If there is anything on it, it works like a magnet and attracts EVERYTHING. I've seriously been preparing and cooking off of 1-2 square feet of space for quite a while now.

NTS: Don't leave anything on the island or you will loose the island.

Now I can have people over again. I can make delicious looking cupcakes like my friend did here, and have a party! I can spill something and not worry about it soaking a bunch of school papers. Kyra can leave me a note in the morning and I will see it. "Oh, the things I can think..." of to do with a clean counter!

Turns Out

I lurk on my husband's facebook account sometimes and it usually doesn't bother him because I do it while he's asleep. When he's up I question him on who people are and he threatened to change his password so I couldn't log in anymore... TURNS OUT he didn't change it, I clicked on something weird, but then read something nice he said about me. Awe.

There was this girl sporting a long blond ponytail with pink highlights that bobbed back and forth as she walked down the street... TURNS OUT it was a guy.

Kyra's school was supposed to start at 7am this year and I thought, "holy crap, how am I supposed to get up and get her to school so early?"... TURNS OUT they switched it to 8am, she carpools with my neighbor and I don't even have to get out of bed to see her off because she's 13 and self-sufficient.

Payton wakes up at 6:30ish and wants to wath TV...TURNS OUT if I make him go back to sleep (this usually involves a smack on the butt and a yell), he'll sleep until 8:45.

NTS: Get a Home Phone

I made quite a few phone calls one evening and got to leave messages with several husbands. That just doesn't happen very often anymore. I have my phone, Bill has his. Whomever you wish to speak to, you call and leave them a message. Nobody writes things down anymore, or do they?

Well, it was such a delight chatting with these old guys that I feel I'm doing people an injustice when I am the only one answering my phone. Shouldn't we have a home phone that my children can answer? Isn't that part of growing up, a rite of passage, or at least a fun way to torment telemarketers? Shouldn't Bill be able to share his vast knowledge of my whereabouts with my friends that call?

I just think we're missing out on a little socializing when you only get to talk to the person you are trying to reach. With caller ID, we're also forgetting our manners. We forget to acknowledge who we are, assuming that the person on the other end knows who we are before they pick up the phone.

So, next on the list: buy a home phone without caller ID or an anwering machine and teach my children phone etiquette. (and possible re-teach those same values to some of the people that call my home)

Dear Allrecipe Critics,

If you don't like spinach, don't make spinach enchiladas. Duh! Please don't give them a bad rating because you are stupid. Of course you didn't like them, you don't like spinach.

Let's review: don't try a recipe with ingredients that you don't like and then say it is no good.

Fondly,

H

FHE: Tasha Style

Tasha conducted because that's what she does.

Paton prayed.

Kyra was not informed that she had the song so we skipped it because Pt was cranky anyway. Kyra is usually really good at doing the song. She likes to ask what the lesson is on and then picks something to go with the theme. She will then gather song books and/or make copies of the song so that everyone has the words. Sometimes she will conduct, if I harass her to.

Tasha gave the lesson. It went something like this:

"OK. We're going to talk about how to keep your body healthy and clean. So, everyone, what kinds of things should we eat like fruits and vegetables?" (we answered with fruits and vegetables, because we're THAT kind of a family) She continued..."now we're going to do a spearmint." She poured orange food coloring into a glass, added some baking soda, then poured vinegar in it. It bubbled, turned orange and almost topped the glass. Next, she did the same with green. We all oohed and aahed and PT said, "gen, gen" so she would do it again.
"OK, now I'm going to mix them together.(she does) Which one of these would you like your body to be?" She makes a face at the yicky, now brownish colored vinegar mix, and then smiles at a glass of clear water. We all agree that the clear one is best.

Bill gives the closing prayer and blesses my treat which is resting and waiting to be cooked.

I had treat. We had tacos for dinner and while the family was out washing the van and the car I made them fresh chips as well. Since the oil for frying was out, I looked up a recipe for sopapillas. At dinner, Tasha suggested we have "those puffy things with honey in them" for a treat. I've tried several recipes and have never gotten them right until now. I learned the secret: don't overknead/roll the dough or they will not puff. So, if you want the best recipe with the best tutorial, check this site for super duper sopa's!

And there you have it, FHE, done!

It's NOT Just Spilt Milk

After finding his milk in the fridge, but having a new cup in hand, Payton convinced me to pour his old milk into his new cup. Then he proceeded to take sips from his cup and spit his milk into a shape sorter bucket. He did this repeatedly as I sat in disgust. Then he picked up the bucket and dumped a good couple of teaspoons of spit-milk onto the floor. Of course, this needed rubbing in, so he did it. Now, why use a middle-man bucket... sip milk and spit it directly onto the floor. He's now brought me a new cup, without a lid, and is respectfully asking me to pour his milk into this cup. I don't think so!

I'm Tired of Saying "NO!"

After listening to myself say "no" to Payton so many times, I just get tired of it. I wonder if it's worth it, doing any good, or necessary. So, this morning I decided to restrain unless I absolutely had to. I realize "necessary" is a relative term, so guess which 2 items below I did NOT say no to:

1. Eating his baked potato in the living room, dumping it on the ground .
2. Pushing the chair around the kitchen to climb up onto the island.
3. Pushing another chair over to the sink to play in water and dirty dishes, some of them glass.
4. Playing in the beads for the vase that holds yet another stem of dying bamboo.
5. Playing in the bowl of flour mix leftover from Sunday dinner.
6. Drinking from the gallon milk jug after I poured him a sippy cup full of "muck!".
7. Shoving a DVD under the door while I was taking a shower.
8. Throwing a metronome on the ground with the possibility of it busting to pieces.
9. Climbing yet another chair to reach into the knife drawer.
10. Pulling my computer chair down the hall for who knows what reason.
11. Taking cucumber and zucchini into the living room to remind Potato Head that if he loses his body he can just use one of them.
12. Playing with scissors.
13. Playing with our double deck of Canasta cards. (the ones that haven't been crumpled to pieces yet by his grubby little hands)
14. Trying to cut through a henna tube with scissors, then going back to the drawer for a knife.
15. "Cutting" the homemade granola bar on the counter by himself with a spatula.
16. Pulling out the vaccuum and bringing it to he living room.
17. Pushing a chair to the freezer to withdraw some ice from the door.
18. Topsizing the chair as he tried to get it onto the carpet, for who knows what reason.
19. Climbing me like a jungle gym.
20. Pulling off the counter and stepping on an unopened CD, repeatedly.

UGH! Boys. Seriously, I only stopped him twice and it's not even noon. Maybe I can convince him it's naptime soon.

Like Father, Like Son

Payton is obsessed with Toy Story, but he won't watch the beginning of the second one. It's the one where Rex is playing the Buzz Lightyear video game. Now, who knows Bill well enough to know why Payton does not like this part?

A Thespian, however, Bill is not. Payton acted out one of the Toy Story 2 scenes at Sonic one day:

Fortunately he did not cause any traffic accidents.

We have this friend...

...who will remain nameless. He calls every Thursday because he has a long drive. He typically calls during dinner time, dinner prep time, or post dinner clean up time. It's inevitable and we usually don't answer the phone.

Last night he called Bill. Bill didn't answer.

Then he texted Bill. Bill did not reply.

Then he called me. I didn't answer.

Then he texted me. "will u have bill call me"

Then comes the confession, from Bill. "OK, here's the thing," Bill begins.

Oh brother, this is going to be good. I start to laugh immediately because only these 2 could come up with something that involves 2 calls, 2 texts, and an explanation to precede the actual event. I'm laughing, but Bill is still serious.

"Um," he continues. "(insert friend's name here) asked me to join a Fantasy Football league. They were short one person and they weren't going to be able to have a league." Like I care who does or does not get to play Fantasy Football. Oh brother, THAT's what this is about?

Bill's team name is "The Oneders". Site the reference and/or come up with a better Fantasy Football team name.