Men are Jerks

I haven't determined if men have a jerk gene or if they are just missing several genes. You know, the genes that enable you to empathize and care, the one that picks up on signals that help them relate to other human beings (women in particular), the gene shows compassion and a willingness to help even when the situation is not something they understand. And then there's the fact that you can tell them over and over again and they can't seem to transfer the information from time to time or situation to situation. There's a geometry term for that, I think. Or maybe it's a combination of the commutative and distributive property of multiplication.

Yes, full blown pessimistic pregnancy hormones have hit our home. April, come take my computer away from me!

It all started last Saturday while I was watching Something's Gotta Give on TV. I'd never seen it before and I can't really stand Jack Nicholson, but I like Diane Keaton and Amanda Peet. And yes, of course I know that Jack is going to portray a jerk. That's his job, he's good at it. Boy, oh boy, is he good at it. If you've seen this movie you will know that there is a scene, after Jack and Diane get together, where he leaves her. He's not breaking up with her, in fact he's just saying goodnight, but he's breaking her heart. It was gut wrenching to watch. Every single pleading look that Diane gave him was just overlooked by him. Why? Because all men are jerks. That's just really the only explanation I can come up with. And she was SOOOOOOOO convincing! I swear I should teach a class to men on how to read women and give them what they need and want. I'd use this movie as homework.

Then Bill has me watching West Wing reruns. I said to Bill, at least half a dozen times inside of 2 episodes, "men are jerks!" By the last time he retorted with, "Hey, watch it! I'm a man." Yes, yes dear. You are a man. And no, you're not a jerk. I think there must be some sort of husband clause that exempts him from being a jerk in my book. ANYWAY, we're watching a scene and there is a conversation between Josh and Amy where he is breaking a date with her. It's fine, no big deal, she takes it with ease. She makes a little joke, and he goes off on her like an idiot! We actually rewound the DVD so I could show him the exact point in which Josh turned into a jerk. Bill knew, but he didn't catch it the first time. See, men are just not quick enough to pick up on these cues.

So tonight at dinner Bill said something dumb. Like, really dumb and obnoxious that nobody would take seriously. I didn't but I said, "You're a jerk!... do you know why?" He said, "because I'm a guy?" Yes, he's catching on. "And what are guys?"


wait for it...


Tasha says...


"All guys are jerks."


I swear, I have never taught her this truth. She's just a very intuitive 5 year old that can apply the associative property or whatever property it is. You know the one, the one that says if A=B and B=C then A=C. It think it's geometry. In fact, I'm opening it up to save a man from jerk-dome. The first man to offer up the term for this "If...then" statement gets 2 get out of jerk jail free cards. Bill you don't get to play.

Tomorrow I'll probably clear things up with the girls. I'll clarify that all men are not jerks, they just do jerky things... or something like that.