Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Are you Freaking Kidding Me?

There I was, minding my own business, typing a blog post, when I look up to see an invader. At the very toppest of the wall, right below the popcorn ceiling, was a bug, crawling. And it wasn't just any bug. It was a stupid freaking cockroach. And it wasn't just crawling. It was crawling it's stupid freaking cockroach legs across my wall, over my computer desk where I was sitting, minding my own business. Where the freak did he come from?!

Of course, I do what any unreasonable woman would do at 11pm at night when there is a freaking cockroach crawling around over her head. I jump up and go wake up Bill and run back in the room to make sure that monster doesn't get out of site. He's halfway across the room by now and Bill is not coming fast enough. I am glad, however, that when he finally does make it he has come armed with a weapon of mass squash-struction. I was sure that bad boy would do the trick.

I moved the diaper bag from under the stricking point so if he fell he didn't fall in there. I armed myself with a broom, just because that felt safer than nothing. Then I watched Bill line up for the kill. He stood back, held up the squasher, struck and missed. Damn it! Move quickly, move quickly, strike again before he runs too quickly. As Bill went back for another strike, I did the little dance of "Holy crap you missed, damn it, damn it, damn it, get him, get him, get hiiiiimmmmm..."

Well. I can't really talk about this next part. I am seriously close to tears just thinking about it. I keep getting shivers and cringing and popping my feet up on the chair even though I know that damn thing isn't crawling around by my feet.

OK. He flew. As Bill aimed for the second time that freaking cockroach flew off the wall, whizzed by my head, and flew to the other side of the room not to be seen from again. I kid you not. I've heard of flying roaches before, but You.Have.Got.To.Be.Kidding.Me!!! Oh man, what do I do?!

SH--! That damn thing just reemerged. I ran back, shoved Bill awake, grabbed the weapon, heard Payton yell out and ran back to the scene of the crime. He was gone. Damn it. I opened doors, banged on cabinets, threw out a few swear words, but nothing budged that little monster. I went back the bedroom, defeated, once again. While I nursed Payton back to sleep, Bill went out and did who knows what. I half expected him to come back claiming that he got the thing, but he didn't. It's a good thing too because I know he would have been lying just to help ease my mind.

Tomorrow I'm calling the exterminator. Better yet, I'll go online and see if I can set up an appointment via the Internet. Until they come, I'll be the one not sleeping...


April said...

Jaylee should not be allowed to read this post and I don't think you'll be seeing her at your home anytime soon. On a personal note... EEEEWWWW! Roaches are just so... blech! I can't even explain it. They give me the heebie jeebies. Good luck not going crazy until it's caught. And even then, how do you really know if it's the same one? Dun dun dun!!!

Jaylee Draney said...

TOO LATE! AHHHHHH! IT FLEW! Oh my gosh, my body is so tense right now just reading about it. Why are you and I so affected by those stupid things? Diane killed one the other day like it was no big deal. Oh to be indifferent.

H said...

Probably right as Jaylee was posting her commment here, Tasha came and got me from the bedroom. "Mom, there's a big bug in the bathroom." I grabbed the weapon, ran in and the frickin' Hudini roach was gone again. And yes, A, I know it was the same one because it's the spawn of Satan in the form of a roach. I've had MAX 2 hours of sleep. Ladybug is coming tomorrow.

Amanda said...

Too gross. Totally disgusting. I sprayed a roach in my garage yesterday while it was laying an egg. Or egg pouch. I hate that there are roaches in NM, too.

Last week I finally worked up courage to step on them. Fortunately I have not had many in my house.

Sara said...

I have completely lived that story, except for Scott killed it. I could not be living in that house right now. Do you want us to set our guest bedroom back up for you guys?