Friday, July 2, 2010

Microwave Minute

In an effort to have a clue, I've signed up to received daily emails from the Urban Dictionary. One might think that having a dictionary site sending you daily antidotes would make you smarter. I don't think this is necessarily going to be the case. I'm mostly going to get a bunch of slang words and how to use them in everyday talk. You know, the kind of lingo that would make a 37 year old housewife look and sound like a fool. So, instead of being enlightened, I'm going to fill my much too small of a noggin with ridiculous information that I will probably never use. Well, that's not entirely true because I've already used some of the slang in my own home. I told Bill to "shut up and keep talking" the other night and it worked like a charm. There do seem to be catch phrases that really just mean something that we already have names for, like "microwave minute":

When time slows down while waiting for your food to heat in the microwave. Known side effects are increased hunger, slowing of all the clocks in your house and walking around aimlessly trying to kill time. The microwave minute has the ability to slow time turning one minute into what feels like an hour.

Kus(9:00 pm): dude when are you gunna get here??
Ryan(9:00 pm): I'll be there in a microwave minute.
Kus(9:00 pm): aight g. Ill see you at 10:00!

Isn't this pretty much like Mormon Standard Time? Or Greek time, as my aunt likes to call it. I mean really, if you say something starts at church at 6:30 you can show up at 7 and not have missed anything except the opening prayer and the line for the food. Oh alright, you really shouldn't miss the prayer, but unless you want to make a race for the line just to beat that one person to the green jello salad, who really cares? And what if it's a potluck? Well, all the good food isn't even going to make it until 7 anyway.

I imagine that these terms aren't exactly the same thing, but it would be fun to see how late I could be to something if I combine all of them. I mean, Greek time alone has slowed me down since I was born. So let's see...

Following Greek time, I started getting ready for the 6 o'clock event at 6 o'clock. As 6:30 passed by I realized that the party had just begun on Mormon Standard Time. So then, as I reheated the funeral potatoes for 5 minutes, we all sat around starving for a microwave minute and left the house at something like 7:30.

As I reread this I realized a couple of things. 1. I'm not a 37 year old housewife. I don't like to be referred to as "housewife", and I'm not really 37. Oops. 2. Housewives have no concept of "microwave minute" and it's not because we don't get the lingo. It's because we never catch ourselves actually waiting on the food heating up in the microwave. Let's face it, while the food is heating up we are loading or unloading the dishwasher, taking care of laundry, sweeping or mopping up something that was spilled by another shorter family member, or blogging something totally ridiculous that happened to us 4 days ago. By the time we're done with our task, the microwave has beeped at least 5 times and the food has probably gotten cold again. What do you call that? What do you call the food that has been reheated and left in the microwave to get cold again? That's a term I'd use daily.

Aight g. See ya in a week.

1 comment:

Bill said...

They say that for every new bit of information a "38" year old "domestic engineer" learns, she forgets 1 critical fact. I wonder what you learned that caused you to your keys.