To range free, or not

WARNING: The article you are about to read is full of sarcasm...don't let it peck you on the butt!

So I'm having Thanksgiving at my house this year and I wanted to get a fresh range-free turkey. It seemed like a good idea and I know that Sunflower market had them advertised last year. Now I have second thoughts. I was talking with a friend this evening, confirming that a 15 pound bird should sufficiently feed 11 people, especially when 2 of them are vegetarians and kids could really care less. (Is the rule on turkey the same as other meat? Plan for 1/2 a pound per person?) Anyway, she said she bought the free range critter out of respect for an in-law who ate mostly organically. So we discussed this briefly when she said, "ya, he was a happy turkey before they killed him so we could eat him." Of course, we laughed hysterically at the thought of such an absurd statement. But really...maybe those caged babies aren't so bad. We put them out of their misery and now their spirits can roam free in turkey heaven. The free range birds will be discussing how they really miss Tom Jr. and hope he's doing OK, next year will really be a shock for him...while the caged ones are really roaming free. I know, I know, I'm making light of a animal rights and shouldn't. I'm sure when I run for office my opponents will find this blog and quote me word for word. I think I'll just let my mom buy the turkey and live in ignorant bliss.

Then comes the next question (because the turkey does come before the egg)...Have you tried to by eggs lately? How many labels CAN you have on a dozen eggs?! First are all the sizes: medium, large, extra large, jumbo. Then you have the colors: white,brown, speckled. Now the chicken: cage-free, free roaming, caged, surfing, driven crazy. And what kind of food the chicken ate: organic, non-organic, grain, non-grain, fattening, iron fortified. And don't forget the Omega 3 boost! Yikes! When did buying eggs get so difficult? And when did we decide to start labeling all our eggs and chickens? Maybe it was when we stopped labeling our children. Ironically, it was probably the granola parents who refuse to label their kids that want to know what the heck their chicken was doing and eating before it pooped out the egg that they are about to eat.

Seriously though, I LOVE my granola friends and even want to be one someday. I also wish that nobody started caging animals so they could make more money. I guess I just lost the meat industries vote! Happy Turkey day!