"H"-I-Am Tag

I am... a teacher by trade and by heart
I think... a lot,and if I don't I can't sleep or have weird dreams
I want... to go back to school to get a masters in reading
I have... a lot of other things I should be doing right now
I miss... the atmosphere of high school (seeing your friends everyday, getting a million hugs, studying, hanging out, no responsibilities...)
I fear... being lost in the jungle
I feel... a strain in my heel and pain in my neck
I hear... some crazy rapping on the Electric Company
I smell... vinegar on my chairs since I just de-loused them
I crave... chocolate and pretzels; peace and quiet
I cry... when I cut onions
I regret... not going to prom
I search... for my kid's clothes, socks, and shoes WAY too often
I wonder...what it would have been like to live in a different era
I wish... I knew what I was doing as a parent
I love.... Bill, Billy, Kyra, Tasha...(do I really have to name everyone?)
I care...about the environment
I always...wash my hands when I go to the bathroom (Except ONE time when I was at the movies with Bill and it was totally tense moment and I raced to the bathroom and used a TON of toilet paper because I knew I needed to run back. The other woman in the bathroom yelled something at me as I was halfway down the hall. I can't believe it! The ONE TIME I don't wash.)
I worry...about very little (unlike my mother who worries about EVERYTHING!)
I am not...patient
I remember....smells. A smell will take me back in time or bring a memory of a loved one.
I believe... in Christ (ya ya, it's a song are you singing it yet?)
I sing... in our church choir even though I don't really know what I'm doing.
I don't always... cook dinner
I argue...through email. WooHoo!
I write... in many different styles. I enjoy copying people's handwriting and disguising my own.
I lose... my mind when children whine
I listen... when people talk
I can usually be found... awake, reading or on the computer around 5am
I need... to get to work
I forget...everything unless it is written down
I am happy... when my friends and family are happy

I liked this little tag from Lisa. It felt like a little Dr. Seuss Sam-I-Am tag. Now let's hear from: Sue, Monique, Amanda and Tori if you're still out there. (I'm trying to hit a few cities other than Tempe with this tag!)

Stupid Sesame Street Joke

"How is a chicken and a violin the same?"

They both have necks.

They both have bodies.

They both get plucked.

Ha Ha.

Now go tell your kids.

I've really missed the Internet, but I should probably attend to my children now.

The Highlights from the Last Week...

Wednesday “It’s the end of the world as we know it”
Yep, head lice. They will survive a nuclear attack, along with the roaches. I’ve never dealt with this before. Not as a parent or as a child. Why now?!
Thursday: The guilt sets in
We’ve infected the Lee household too. Not only do all 3 of us (Bill doesn’t share a brush with us) have these boogies, we gave them to 2 of the Lee kids as well. Crap. I’m feeling like a really negligent mother right now. I should have spotted them sooner… but what mom does their 10 year olds hair when it is as short as Kyra’s? I’ll wallow in guilt for a while, and then resolve to be a better parent. I’m grateful I found out the hard way to pay attention to the warning signs with something like head lice. (You know, instead of suicide, drug use, sex, ect.)
Friday: Real Friends
Head lice are when you know who your real friends are. Not that you’re not a friend if you stay away, but holy things that are above and beyond friendship batman! Monique spent something like 2 hours digging through my hair for me yesterday.
Saturday: Getting out
I escaped the infested house today after Mo dug AGAIN! A little grocery shopping, mouthwash and shower cap buying (for the buggies), and some more chocolate. Yep, I gave up the sugar fast because I’m way too overwhelmed right now. Why does chocolate help?!
Sunday: A day off
The world was created in 6 days and then there was a day of rest. Don’t I deserve a day of rest too? No nit-picking on this day. The kids got some relief as well. They got to play with the Lee’s since they are the only people not afraid to play with us L. Thanks for the much needed break today.
Monday: How much does depression cost?
$7.64. By sundown I’ve had it. A stop at Safeway costs $7.64: 2 rolls of cookie dough (one sugar, the other chocolate chip), and a pound of butter (to make more cookies later). I also finished the last disc of Lost, season one. I’m hooked. A little Sayid and about a dozen cookies later and I drifted off to dreamland.
Tuesday: Is the end near?
No live bugs for 3-4 days, very few nits in Tasha’s hair, and I’ve finally made it through all of Kyra’s hair. Hope is in sight. The pain in my neck (an actual pain, not just lice and child induced pain) is at an all time high after all this picking, but Super Bill to the rescue. I think he enjoys jabbing his fist into my neck as hard as he can while I wince in delighted pain. That’s true love baby.
Wednesday: A New Hope
I found virtually nothing in Tasha’s hair today so I sent her to school. When I picked her up all 3 of her teachers told me how delighted they were to have her back. “Class just isn’t the same without her; we’d take her bugs and all!” Crazies I tell ya, crazies. They had checked the rest of the class and nobody got it and they washed all the play clothes as a precaution. How can something so small be so damaging?! Esther was a HUGE help this morning! She came over, with her kids, and dug through half of Kyra’s hair while I did the other half. An hour and a half later we were just about done when I had to go get Tasha. Then Ester asks, “Do I need to make my kids shower and change clothes and everything when I get home?” WOW! She risked it, even without knowing her kids would be safe. I assured her they had played in the “safe zone” and that no live lice had been in the area for days. No worries! Kyra will be going to school tomorrow if I have my way.
And now I have a renewed hope that there is life beyond lice. WooHoo! Friends have called today and want to know where the heck I am. How sweet…I’m missed. I’m totally going through internet withdrawals and I think it’s worse than sugar withdrawals. That’s probably why I’ve turned to my good friend Chocolate, who can’t play host to any head lice, for comfort and sympathy. I’ll have to give him up again when the weekend is up. Anyway, I have started making plans for the weekend, which involve people other than my immediate family. Not that I don’t love them, but a week of only them is making me a bit insane. I’m looking forward to other people. Plus, I have a date to watch a friend’s kid tomorrow and she has the internet!!! I’ll be watching the kids at her house no doubt.
Thursday: Stupid Desert Marigold!!!
We tried to send Kyra to school today. Mostly because her teacher had called twice and was hoping she could come in because she was sorely missed. When she got there they had to get the lice certified inspector to check her head and, of course, she found some eggs. DUH! I could have told you that. But even the letter that the school sent home said that “no-nit” policies were not necessary. After being really pissed off, lots of tears from Kyra, and a new comb was purchased from Walgreens, I got it back together. (A little) That stinkin’ comb really worked! Where have you been egg comb and nit comb?! Oh how I love you, let me count the ways. (If anyone gets these little boogies, I’ve got the goods.)
I was still annoyed on my way to pick up Tasha (mostly at Kyra who can’t seem to follow simple instructions) when Bill called me. I was pretty snippy when he asked how I was doing. “How the BLEEP do you think I’m doing?!” I think I thought some worse things too, but that’s just because I was late for pick-up, cranky with Kyra, and achey in the neck and foot. (I'll make up with him later) Today didn’t look like there was much hope to be found. Until…
I watched Crystal’s kids for her while she went to have lunch with Jared. The kids frolicked outside where I didn’t have to look at them. (Mine, not hers. Tasha layed into me as soon as I saw her. Lame kids!) I got to use their internet. WHEE! Connection with friends. Life goes on. People outside my home exist. Life is good. But it gets better! Brandon crawled up to me about a half an hour after he got up and paused. He gave me 2 distinct looks: the first was “dude, you’re not my mom but you’re sitting at her computer”; the second look was, “that’s cool, I like you too.” The second look came with a sly smile because that kid just doesn’t have strong emotional responses. (Except maybe the screaming he saves for the middle of the night for his mother.) Then later Ethan ran in from outside (Crystal had Brandon asleep in her arms) and snuggled up to me on the couch and fell asleep. What’s up with that?! I can’t remember the last time either of my kids did that! In fact, I don’t know that Tasha has EVER done that. Kyra was maybe 2. Ethan earns the sweetest boy EVER award for yesterday.
Friday: Back in Business
Crystal checked Kyra’s head for me yesterday and could find nothing. Yippee, but I’ll still be checking and combing once or twice a day until school on Monday. I’ll have to check and comb through Tasha’s head today which she has already refused to let me do. Bummer. I shampoo-ed the couch and chairs last night so they look all pretty and are lice free. More laundry. There’s some DQ in the freezer waiting for me. I get to go to Costco. Life goes on…

NTS: Change Password to GMail Account

I have such funny friends. If I could remember a new password, I might change it. But for now I'll have to hope she doesn't mess with me too bad :) I needed a laugh today. Good for Crystal.

in no blog land

Hi, my name is Helena and I can't blog anymore, blah blah blah. Just kidding. This is Crystal and I'm blogging a post for Helena. She doesn't have internet access right now (I won't go into the sordid details - she can do that later) so she won't be blogging again until sometime next week. One of the great things about having friends come over to your house and check their e-mails or write a post is that their password stays in your computer and you can then be evil and post on their blog. Just messing with you again. I'm sure H will delete this post tomorrow when she comes over to my house and sees that I screwed up her blog but for now I say . . .



Nah, nah, nah, naaaaah, naaaah! You can't do anything about it since you can't get on the internet and I can. Hee hee! It's fun to be bad sometimes!!!



Love,

Your very good friend (don't be mad at me), Crystal

Crazy Dancing Lady Liberty!

If you drive in the Mill and Southern area, you know what I'm talking about. Tax season brings out the crazy dancing Liberty. And I really can't say Lady Liberty, because it's not always a lady. That is disturbing. I will say that the chic twirling the batton was entertaining to say the least. It made sitting at the light bearable.

Toothpaste and Doctor Burt

(Warning: the following contains explicit details of how to remove a massive zit from your face. It is not for the faint hearted.)

Sunday morning, as I was putting on my makeup for church, I noticed that I was developing quite a welt on the side of my nose. It wasn't the kind that you get because something bashed you and now it was swelling, it was the kind that comes because your face is breaking out, again! I could also tell that it was the kind that was going to hurt. You know, the kind that when you touch it pain shoots through your veins and you want to yelp, "holy mother of all things evil, what was that!?!" But at this point it was only a bump, no redness or puss or anything like that.

That evening when I washed my face the pain began. And I have to tell you it is impossible to blow your nose without pushing or at least rubbing the zit that is on the bridge of your nose. And everyone knows that after you wash your face you have bogeys that you have to blow out or you won't be able to sleep because you have a stuffed up nose. So, "holy mother of all things evil, that zit hurts!" To which point Bill kindly notes that it should have it's own time zone or something equally as insulting. At this point it is just red and irritated and throbbing in pain. Nothing will help.

Monday morning I wake up early (again). The whole house of lazy schooless and workless people are in slumber as I trek to the bathroom. Aargh. Worse than ever, but now I can do something about it. Poke, pop, squirt, ooze... do anything to get that massive mound of gross puss off my face. And then I slapped a little toothpaste on it. Yep, that's right, toothpaste. It has to be the paste kind, not gel because the gel will not dry up. I believe the theory here is that as the paste is drying up it sucks out the rest of the liquid in that massive zit. I don't know the science behind it, but it stinkin' works! The added bonus is that your face smells like minty fresh breath.

After my family woke up I had to abandon the toothpaste because it just isn't worth it to have your children and husband make fun of your toothpaste nose. Not nice. Back to the bathroom for more work. Seriously, it's still pretty big, but there is nothing left to squeeze out without inflicting so much pain that I will fall faint on the floor and have to be rushed to the ER having bashed my head open on the sink. And I certainly wouldn't want that to happen because then all the nurses would be saying, "Did you see the massive zit on that lady's nose? She didn't faint, the thing must have pulled her over!"

So I cleaned it up and rollered on some of Doctor Burt's Herbal Blemish Stick. STING! "Holy mother of all acidic feeling ointments!" But, no pain, no gain, right? This stuff really does work. Sometimes it makes the appearance of said zit look redder than it was before, but I think that's because it's drying up the area and pulling the blood to the surface. I apply this several times before I try to hide the area with make-up that doesn't really stick because the mound is just too great.

Monday is spent trying to avoid letting people see the left side of my face. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to situated people to your right. I also reapplied the blemish stick and cover make-up several times. I'm telling you, this baby was a monster!!!

Monday night, after the monsters of this house were in bed and could not poke fun at my nose, I went through the toothpaste process again. I'm not sure, but I think the mint also provides a little pain relief as well as sucking out the liquid.

By Tuesday morning the gigantic erupting volcano had reduced itself to a small mound. Several slatherings of the blemish stick and a bit of cover-all did the trick. Sure it's a bit pink under there, but I don't have to tilt my head to the side anymore. I think I only did the touch up once that day. No more need for toothpaste, but any chance I get Dr. Burt is drying that baby out.

Now it's Wednesday morning and all is well. Flat and dried up, there is a bit of dry skin that will soon flake off, probably with the make-up that still needs to hide the pinkness. But at least it's not a massive welt that needs a zip code of its own. No more pain and looking the other way as people try to pass me on the left side of my nose.

Aah, Doctor Burt and Original Crest, how I love you, let me count the ways...